The Life of a Wisconsin Man and a California Girl...

Wow - 6 months already!

2011-10-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

How can you already be 6 MONTHS OLD?!? It’s hard to believe that 6 months ago you were born, so tiny. I will never forget the first time I heard you cry. That perfect cry calmed me. It made me cry and I couldn’t stop smiling. Six months later, I can’t say that your cry always brings a smile to my face, but just about everything else does. And sometimes I still cry at the overwhelming joy you bring to my heart. You are such a blessing. Your life continues to help restore my soul. I am awe struck by the power of the love I have for you and find the gift of motherhood to be the most extraordinary journey and the most beautiful testament to God’s love for me.

I could go on and on about how precious and perfect you are and how much I love you, but I’ll refrain and get to the fun stuff. Here’s what you’re up to at the halfway point to one year!

At 6 months, you are:

LAUGHING!

You laughed for the first time a month ago. You have the sweetest, most contagious little laugh and I can’t get enough! It cracks me up because you kind of throw your head back when you get going. Sometimes it sounds a little forced, but when that full on giggle comes out you can really ham it up. I also love it when you’re torn between laughing and crying. If you’re getting sleepy or hungry and Daddy tries to make you laugh, you go in and out of a little chuckle and a little whine…so funny.

BLOWING RASPBERRIES!

If you weren’t getting soaked enough with your constant spitting up, now you’re getting soaked with spit and drool. (By the way am I the only person who didn’t know it was called blowing raspberries? I guess it’s a nicer phrase than spitting.) You love to kick and play on your back while you spit/blow raspberries. You think you’re pretty cute doing it too…and you are of course!!!

ROLLING FROM YOUR BACK TO YOUR TUMMY!

A few weeks ago while playing on the floor, you kept turning onto your side and then all the sudden you just flipped right over. Watching you fling those hips over and roll is just about the cutest thing ever. Once you get on your tummy, you stretch up pretty far, play for a few minutes, and then fuss because you want to change positions.

SITTING!

IF we sit you up, you can get the hang of this whole sitting thing you can play for an hour just sitting up. You haven’t figured out how to sit back up if you lay down, but I think with a little more time and practice you’ll get it in no time. When you’re tired, you lean over quite a bit and brace yourself with your hands on your legs. You really like sitting up!

NOT SLEEPING SO GREAT!

Although you had been a pretty great sleeper from the start where you only woke up once most nights something has happened these last few weeks. We are attempting to get you used to a bedtime routine. We aim to start our bedtime routine between 7:00 and 7:30 every night. We get our jammies on, try to read/chew a book, and then Mama feeds you. When I put you down, we turn on your music to some modern lullabies including U2, and the Rolling Stones. You typically wake up between 6:00 and 6:30 every morning. You take 2 naps a day. You usually sleep half an hour to an hour in the AM and an hour in the afternoon.

EATING GREAT!

You are still a great eater. You are exclusively formula fed and never miss a meal! You eat every 3-4 hours, on average 6 times a day. Our doctor wanted us to start you on cereal at 4 months, and now you’re eating sweet potatoes, carrots, squash, and next week, we’re trying peas.

STILL SPITTING UP ALL THE TIME

Mama sure is hoping this spitting up thing is almost over. It still doesn’t seem to bother you, but between the times you eat and the time you go down for your nap, you spit up constantly. It helps if you stay sitting up for a while after eating before playing on the floor, but you usually spit up while you’re on your tummy and when you get picked up after laying down. You and mama usually get soaked and have to change several times a day. Here’s to hoping eating cereal and more solids will help keep us dry!

You LIKE:

Going for walks
Playing on your blanket on the floor
Talking/laughing in your car seat
Chillin with Mama in your baby carrier
Playing in your bouncy seat
Looking in the mirror
Watching mom and dad talk to/sing to you in the mirror
Watching/playing with Vinny!!!
“Jumping around” with Daddy
Bath time

You DON”T LIKE:

The bright sun in your eyes
Lots of people in your face at once
Waking up and not seeing Mama right away.
When can’t get back to a seated position on your own
Taking a break from eating to get burped

Your FAVORITE toys:

Your Baby Einstein saucer. You love the music and colorful lights. Mama used to push the toys for you, but now you play all by yourself!
The bright cat toy your Daddy won for you.
The fun, colorful camera toy from fisher price. It’s easy for you to hold onto and get in your mouth.

Your FAVORITE books:

The Disney Story Book
First Words
On The Night You Were Born
Baby’s First Colors
Hello Bee, Hello Me…your eyes get so big when we turn to the mirrored pages

Your FAVORITE songs:

If you’re happy and you know it
Patty Cake
I’m a little tea pot
ABC song
You are my sunshine
Jesus loves me

This didn’t really fit in any of the categories, but you have the BEST, most adorable sad face I’ve ever seen. I hate to see you upset, but sometimes I can’t help but smile and even chuckle at that pitiful face. You start with sticking out that cute bottom lip and then your whole face just melts. You cry crocodile tears, which momma hates. The good thing is you are easily consoled and turn that frown upside down pretty quick!

We are so proud of you!!! I LOVE you SO much Peter!!!!! You are such an easy-going, happy baby!!!

Can I be the 'me' I want to be?

2011-10-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

You know, the picture perfect woman…a great Mom, a great wife, a woman finds time to make perfect meals for her family, who finds time to not only to curl up with a good book, spend time with her music, but also finds time to get in a decent workout and lose weight…

I’m hoping that I will, but it’s going to take work to get there. I honestly believe that when you flourish at one thing, you can become more of the “you” that you want to be. I think by being good at one thing, you become more that person God had in mind when God thought you up.

I guess for all of us, there may be those parts we wish were different. I am the first to admit that I’m quiet around strangers as I’m not sure of myself, I am a horrible fidgeter, and multi-task to much when I should be just focused on one thing. These things are just parts of who I am.

Maybe focusing on that one thing will make me better in other aspects of life. I hope so. I’m great at only one thing right now – being Peter’s Mom. I hope that because I’m flourishing there, the rest of it will fall into place eventually!

Precious moments!

2011-10-15T07:50:00.001-07:00

I just thought I would share my boys with you this morning. I love them so much!

Let's hope that today is filled with more precious moments for all of us!

Dan's going to kill me when he finds out I posted this picture of him sleeping! :-D

The life in your years...

2011-09-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

It's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~Abraham Lincoln

I mentioned in May that I might eventually be at a place where I can share with you the eulogy I gave for my Dad earlier this year. I still miss Dad every day, and wish that he could have won his battle against cancer. Instead, I am finally accepting that God needed him in Heaven more than we all needed him on earth. I hope you will tell the ones you love how you feel about them as frequently as possible so they will always understand your love for them. Most people don't take the opportunity...hope you do.

Dad's Eulogy

Yesterday, I sat in my father's office in the home he shared with my Mum for the last 25 years attempting to write this eulogy. I started and stopped many times. I started again, trying to find the words to describe how it feels to be here without him because I still don't know.

You see, I had a father for 33 years and have only not had a father for 7 days, so I will try to express to you what kind of man my father was. Indeed, this trying -- this effort to accomplish the seemingly impossible -- is one of the many gifts I've received from my father...

He was the most tenacious person I knew. Ferocious, focused, and fueled by a need to be his own man which he accomplished in countless ways until the very end. To him, it wasn't "my way or the highway," it was "my way is the right way."

The simplest thing I can say about my father is this: He was a force of nature, a storm of a man. In his path, things moved. Nothing stayed still. He was primal, persevering, and on fire with the possibility that something good was just about to happen if only you worked hard enough to make it so.

I became strong because of him-- able to press through challenges... able to be independent... able to find God, my soul mate Dan, and begin to raise my son -- who, one day, will have his own chance to reminisce with us and know how much his Grandpa loved him.

As a young girl, I did not understand my father at all -- why he worked so hard, so late, and so much. It was only later in my life, that I understood. He worked so I might play and have no worry in my life. His work, in a curious way, was a kind of prayer -- a way he connected with something beyond himself, a way he tuned into the meaning of service, of giving to others in an unconditional way -- an experience I would only learn much later in life.

He gave the people in his life an amazing gift just through his actions. He showed you that it was a gift to speak the truth.

He taught you about being a person who kept their word.

Each of us, just by being in his life you experienced what it meant to go beyond the expected and do what was right -- even if it was unpopular or uncomfortable to do so.

I've never met anyone as generous as the man we have come to celebrate today. He gave more to people than people gave to him. If someone needed something chances were that he would give you the shirt off his back.

My father's last days were not easy. Always the man in control, he found it hard to concede to the body's imperfection and the growing need to depend on others for support. Always a giver, now he had to receive. Always the one in charge, now he was in the charge of others. That was hard for him. But in time, he found his way. He was perfectly himself... a warrior... a teacher... a man of integrity... and for that I am forever grateful.

Before he died, he asked me to read a letter I wrote to him at his celebration of life. To honor his memory – I ask you to bear with me as I try to read to you the words I needed my father to hear before he died:

Dad,

I have always been better at writing then speaking…and I know of too many people who have waited to say what their Dad means to them until it’s too late. I don’t want any more time to pass without you knowing “this is exactly how I feel about you.” Dad, this letter is filled with all the things I need you to hear and know from me.

I have to admit, I have always looked at you as being completely indestructible. I mean, I never have imagined that there was something in life that you weren’t able to build, fix, or solve. We do this prayer with our engaged couples that focuses on the hands…and I can’t help but think about it when I visit you. Now I can’t stop looking at your hands…leathery and rough, they remind me of all you have done for everyone…from building homes, to furniture, or some contraption or countless other things I could never understand or hope to understand. Now your hands just sit still, either holding Mum or clutching the arm of a chair. I think about how your hands looked on your wedding day – when you pledged your love and commitment to Mom for all the days of your life. I think of how your hands held Mom when life caused struggle or sadness. By just thinking of your hands…I see your whole lifetime. I see love, trust, faith, and respect – a lifetime of happiness.

I am sad to see your incredibly sharp mind frustrated – staring out the window – knowing your body is too weak to go outside, but your will so strong that you must at least try. I see you sleeping and think of your same mind that when you are feeling well – burst alive with wit, stories, or jokes. I am sad to see on most days lately you have been too weak to speak much.

Now I hope you will be content knowing it’s your mind, your heart, and your hands which have helped to unlock the key to the woman I have become…you’ve inspired me to live a life filled with unique experiences. I want you to know that who you are has shaped who I have become. You are an amazing father.

Your hands taught me that hard work is a privilege to do, and one which should be done on a regular basis, even if the work isn’t for me or my family. Your hands taught me about being a volunteer and helping others – and to do so in such a way that the recipient feels like family.

Your heart taught me about love and to love unconditionally – you know that your example is what allowed me to love after heartache. Your heart taught me it was ok to love again, and brought Dan into my life. From your love and example your heart showed me how to accept my infertility and embraced our decision to adopt. I am so sad and sorry that you won’t be here to see your grandchildren grow. Dan and I want you to know that if we can, we would like to name our boy Peter in honor of you. You are such a loving and generous man we want you legacy to continue in our son.

Your mind taught me how to look at things differently…always from a different perspective. You have inspired me to learn and always try to be more than I am, never to stay stagnant – and you inspired me without using words.

Your example showed me I could have faith in things I cannot see, which is an amazing gift to me. It’s actually your example and encouragement about knowing there is a plan I cannot see that allowed me to accept God in my life. You have allowed me to trust that everything that happens is according to God’s plan and in His time. Dad, you have shown me unfathomable and unwavering love in every aspect of my life—which has become a beacon to me not to lose heart and faith in my darkest times. I hope Dad that in this time, fighting this disease that you won’t lose heart and accept that God’s plan for you includes this struggle for your life. I hope you won’t be afraid of tomorrow; cause God is already there.

While time and cancer have sapped your body of strength and wilted your frame – I still see the immense shoulders that lifted me up so high as a child and showed me the world with completely new eyes. In a way this letter is a small part of me trying to lift you up right now – the way you have always done for me. I often wonder what you think of now, looking back – and I hope that in moments of frustration with this disease that you recognize that it takes a pretty special person to be a great Dad. Throughout the world the Dad’s job is to provide and protect - - YOU ALWAYS did that for all of us. I hope that being a husband and father gave you love, because I want you to know I love you in buckets Dad, always have and always will.

I am grateful to both you and Mom to have filled my entire being with courtesy, respect, faith, and ambition. An although I didn’t understand it at the time, I am really thankful for all the times you said “NO” as much as the times you said “YES.”

I am glad you have Mum. I’ve been watching you guys just battle on together – and the way that you guys fall into each other right now is just beautiful – it’s amazing to watch. You have both something beyond love – something words could never explain. Your marriage has been an example to all of us of what COULD be. I’m so sad that although the two of you have managed to endure life’s little curveballs that this one thing can be a game ender.

I am completely in awe of your creative spirit…it helped shape who I am today. What you struggled to express in words from a father to a daughter, you showed me in ways that expressed things so much better than any words could. You inspired me to say things differently, to live to a higher expectation and through your teaching throughout my life - I want you to KNOW that I heard you clearly and will always keep that in my mind and my heart in my life.

If there is nothing more in time that I get to tell you, then at least you will know these few words…

I love you more than you know, thank you for being my Dad. Every prayer I do, spoken or silent includes a prayer for healing and acceptance for you .

All my Love,

Alana

A wonderful day...

2011-09-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Dan, Peter and I went to our adoption agencies annual picnic. It was held in the Presidio in San Francisco and it was a typical SF day...all foggy and damp. It didn't matter, we still had a great time! Since we need to get ready for church yet, I will leave you with a few pictures of the day!

Blessings...

2011-09-09T12:23:00.001-07:00

I have been hearing this song on the radio over the last few months, and I know it's been speaking straight to my heart. I know its giving me the message that I needed to hear, exactly when I need to hear it. It's so hard to try to explain in words the feelings that overcome me as I listened, and found myself singing along even though I don't know all the words. This song so makes me think. I always seem to have more questions than answers, and I sometimes falter and judge God based on my circumstance. I have to make the CHOICE to trust completely God's plan for my life, even if it has detours I don't expect.

Dan and I have truly had our circumstances magnified within the blessing of marriage. Once you've rallied through a life changing car accident, infertility, job loss, the long wait to adopt, losing a parent, and surviving a life-threatening illness as we have; the rest of life is like a surprise. Everyday is a new gift that may not have been there – so now it's not as big of a deal if he leaves his socks on the floor.

It's taken a while to learn, but life is filled with things you don't expect. This especially has hit home with my Dad. What if you, like me, prayed for him to make it through, but then he passed away…what if Dad prayed for his children to grow up healthy but instead watched them suffer through challenges with illness….what if someone you know prayed for that little extra money to make ends meet, but they end up losing their home? It's so hard – because in those moments, it doesn't feel like He loves us…it's in those moments that I have to remind myself that God is all-powerful and all-loving. Even though God may not have answered all my prayers, be it for Dan, my Mum and Dad, our family, or our friends…maybe the very thing that is best for us isn't what we're actually praying for.

I've been thankful and I work at being continually grateful – I feel like we have a God that has been guiding us through the trials of life. Maybe He's preparing us for something bigger. I know God is blessing us through the hard parts in our lives, otherwise why would Peter have arrived exactly when he did. He came in enough time to meet his Grandfather and bless the end of his life? I think of people who have gone home to heaven, and I realize that it's possible that the pain of life has a purpose. That sometimes we need to experience life in the way that He has intended, so we can become who we need to be in this world.

Just the ramblings of one person, affected by the words of another…

Sorry! I've been MIA.

2011-09-08T12:51:00.001-07:00

But for good reason! I was spending every moment I could with Peter and Dan before I had to go back to work this week. Although it’s hard to be back at work, it’s good for this blog! I typically use part of my lunch to update, so you are in luck today!

As a first time Mom, I’m probably overprotective, and overbearing when it comes to Peter, but he’s just my precious boy so I have to be! So when I dropped him off on Tuesday at daycare, it was a bit rough…for me. He was fine, he was laughing and playing and having a good time when I left, and I cried all the way to work and at my desk for a long time. Its hard to be away from him, and then only have a few hours where he wants to play at night. There are so many things I love about Peter – he makes up for being away from each other all day.

The little guy is five months old on Saturday and the changes are amazing! I just can’t believe how much I love this little guy. Here is a (small) list of the wonderful things about baby Peter:

He always has a smile for me. Even when he had a 101 degree fever he would take the time to turn and smile at me.
He LOVES to play with anything that has music. His favorite thing in the world is his ladybug which makes music when he moves it.
His night time noises. He often coos at night. Sometimes he snores. Both are cute!
His little tiny toes/lips/ears/fingers/everything
The fact that he recognizes me so easily. If I laugh across the room he turns to see where I am and to smile at me.
His fascination with the world. He doesn’t miss a thing and is interested in everything he sees.
The fact that he sleeps 4-5 hours at a time one night!!!
He has this laugh that comes from his belly, its so cute!
The unconditional love is priceless, I will always love him and he will always love me.

Ohhh, there are too many to list. I am having the best experience as a first time mom!!!!

I do wish he would sleep through the night. I know there are those people whose infants start sleeping eleven or twelve hours a night around four months old. These so-called “babies” take three daily naps at 8, 12 and 4.30. And then there are the rest of us…we’re hoping we can get there soon with Peter.

Is Your Husband African American?

2011-08-08T15:08:00.000-07:00

Peter and I go on walks several times a week, and I have always run into very nice people...but its when I'm running an errand like going to the pharmacy, picking up diapers at target, or buying stamps at the post office that I get the question: "is your husband African-American?" I usually say, "No, he's Italian/German American, thanks for asking!"

I love that everyone loves Peter and thinks he's the cutest thing, but when has it ever been appropriate for someone to be so blunt and ask about something they won't care about 5 minutes after I meet them? I never have understood why people can be so rude? Only when I'm out by myself do I get questions like: "Where is he from?" "How much did he cost?" "Are you his real Mom?" or "Is your husband ethnic?" Its never when Dan and I are out with Peter together, I suppose because he looks a lot more like Peter than I do with my fair skin, but I still think its rude! Also - real Mom?!? Strangers—will ask if I’m his “real mom”. I know these people just want to know if he's adopted, but don’t feel comfortable asking directly, but it’s the way they ask that I find troubling.

Its almost as bad as the kind of question I get after I mention that he's adopted..."Can't you have your own kids?" I think that question hurts the worst. I am so hurt by the suggestion that my son is not my own because he isn’t my biological child. Sometimes people don't think before they speak, but poor choice of words or not - its no stranger's business how our family was formed.

For me, I know Peter is soundly sleeping on my lap, I know the connection I have with him and have since I first held him in my arms. Peter has always been my own. People have families in lots of different ways, but their children are their own no matter how the family came together.

My Dad...

2011-06-20T16:32:00.000-07:00

There's so much that could be said about my Dad. An amazing father, a constant teacher, a man full of integrity, a man who knew how to love unconditionally, and didn't have a problem being honest with anyone. On Sunday, May 29th, my Mum and I were with my Dad when he went home to be with God. His last moments were peaceful, and I'm so glad we were there when he passed.

It makes me think how how time flies. I remember when I was six and Dad was teaching me to perfect a canonball in our pool. In high school, he made it to every event I asked him to be at with Mum...That was dad. He kept giving to his family - they were the core of his being. He was blessed enough to find his soulmate early - and together Mum and him built a beautiful life.

I remember when dad walked me down the aisle, into the arms of my husband Dan. I haven't seen my Dad more proud of the choice I made and the man I married - he was my rock. He was so proud that day. Until the day he became a Grandpa. I have fond memories of the way he looked at Peter with that same twinkle in his eyes - the one I remembered when I was young. One of the last memories all of us have of him was the day before he died - he wanted to hold Peter, and reached out for him. Dad's life was ending, and Peter's life was beginning...their lives touched, and I saw that twinkle in my father's eye again. Slowly the two of them fell asleep together - and there wasn't a dry eye in the room. He wasn't able to talk to much after that, and I'm so thankful he had the opportunity to hold Peter one last time.

The next 12 hours were unreal - our family began to feel the grief...this was ACTUALLY happening...we were going to lose him. Mum made sure he was comfortable, and besides a few hours at the house to shower and clean up - she and I were with him. Dad stopped looking at us, and started looking beyond us. It was too much for some family - especially as he got closer. You could tell he wanted to go home to God. It was fast and peaceful - he just was at rest. He finally was in heaven to be the guardian angel he was being called to be. When Dad died, I knew I would never see that twinkle from him again in this lifetime.

Dad asked me before he died to deliver his eulogy. I did, and don't know how. One day, maybe I'll share that with you - it was very emotional and I'm not sure I could even see the words again for a while. The one thing I have learned over the last few weeks...I know now that my father's love didn't die...it is still with me...and with my family and always will be.

My Mum had me put together the video tribute...hope you can see from pictures what I meant about my Dad...

Life and Death...

2011-05-27T22:15:00.000-07:00

A week ago, a church full of family and friends welcomed Peter Aaron via baptism. The outpouring of love for Peter, Alana and I, and for his birth parents were out of this world. I will always remember witnessing the overwhelming joy E* felt when embraced by our friends and family. The look of joy on Alana's face when her brother surprised us by attending was the highlight of the day for me. We were both so proud, joyful, filled with spirit, and blessed by His graces.

That seems so long ago...

Tonight, we prepare to travel down south to say our last goodbyes to Alana's Dad Pete. The last week has taken its toll on his weakened body. The cancer has nearly accomplished its job. I always thought it would be my parents that we would mourn first. They are nearly twenty years older than Alana's parents. I am numb and am praying for Alana's family as the grief continues to build.

Peter is such a blessing to Alana and her Mum and Dad (me too!!!). Alana and Peter have spent most of the week in their home. Peter has solely brought smiles to all in the Glen house. The timing of his arrival could not of been more perfect. Even in the worst pain, blessings have been bestowed on Grandpa Pete.

The time since Father's Day 2010 has been the hardest and most fulfilling time of my life. We have been challenged in ways that I would not wish on an enemy. Through it all, we have strengthened our love and marriage.

The next post might take some time. More than likely, we will have said goodbye to Alana's Dad. Next week, E* goes back home as well. That is not a goodbye. It will be a see you soon! There will be grief all around us. But I know that focusing on that miracle of life in our beautiful son will help to keep us grounded and blessed.

We're still here!

2011-05-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

We are quickly approaching Peter's first month of life, and we are so blessed. I think that by the wonderful grace of God we have been blessed with the most amazing and breathtakingly beautiful boy. Dan and I are so in love with him.

Peter is sweet and playful, and sleeps for hours and wakes up mostly happy (unless he's REALLY hungry)! I often time find myself staring at him while he's sleeping...and can't imagine my life without him.   We are enjoying spending many days with just Mama, Papa and Peter. We are also fortunate to see E* often. We have an open adoption, and during the first year we agreed to once a month visits with E*. She's moving out of state (and we can't travel out of state until the adoption is finalized) and consequently we're modified the agreement to try and squeeze the 1st year worth of visits into 5 weeks. She's been gracious, even when she's come over and we haven't had any sleep and aren't very social.

We continue to be comforted knowing that with each day Peter has spent with his birth mother and her family, we would be able to tell him someday how much we all loved him together. When Peter isn't in one of our arms, she has watched us change diapers, feed him and soothe him without any judgment or interference. She trusts us and that means the world to us.

We have a lot of friends and family who have been stunned they are that we are able to have such an open adoption. Most ask me if I was afraid that E* would change her mind. The truth is that I never once was fearful that E* would exercise her option to change her mind (something she could do until Peter was 2 weeks old). While it seems like only E*, Dan, and I can truly comprehend our relationship and how well it works, I'm learning to be OK with that.   Some days are difficult--for each of us--but other days feel "normal." Either way, I wouldn’t change what we have because I feel that my son has the best situation. Peter Aaron will grow up knowing he was adopted and from whom, know who he looks like, he will know E* loves him unconditionally. Dan and I felt from the beginning of our journey that a child can never be loved too much...and wow, how our son is loved!

At the same time we are facing all the emotions of what is happening with our new family, my Dad is also on my mind. He entered hospice this week, and its a sad time. I'm trying to balance life - but for me that means spending a few days a week at my Mum and Dad's with Peter for a while (Dan has to work).   I'm so incredibly happy for Peter and so incredibly sad for my Mum and Dad.

We have been trying to document his time with Peter through pictures, so if you want to see a few pictures we've taken, please check out http://www.welzonline.com and click on Peter. I hope you will enjoy the glimpse into his first month!

Big news around here! Introducing Peter Aaron

2011-04-28T16:31:00.000-07:00

Over the last few days, we have been overwhelmed with love… welcoming Peter Aaron into our family!

Peter's adoption story will take a lifetime to tell, but I'd love to share a bit about how we he came into our lives!

This Easter weekend, God created our family. Dan and both recognize that first of all, God is THE Master Craftsman and HIS timing is PERFECT...

Peter’s adoption story won’t fit in one post – it really won’t fit in 10 posts. As many of you who have read this blog know, this match to E*, Peter’s first mother, and E*, Peter’s first father has been amazing. We were lucky enough to meet both of them prior to birth, and can’t imagine it any other way. We instantly fell in love with both of them and couldn’t wait to go on this journey with them. We don't share much about them on here other than our feelings about them as we wish to respect and preserve their privacy. In speaking with E* yesterday, I asked her if she'd ever consider being a guest writer on here. She thinks that someday, she may be able to! I would ever be so honored.

Having a more open adoption has been a much greater blessing than we had anticipated.

Peter’s birth mom was due April 21st, 2011, but instead she went into labor in the very early morning of April 22. We had chatted the night before to ask her how she was feeling as we were going to make a quick trip to my parents in the morning, but instead God had other plans for us. We called to check on her around 8 am on April 22nd and she told us she was driving to the hospital, but she thought it may be false labor. We turned around and headed to the hospital as her Mum and the birth father were each 7-8 hours away from her, and didn’t want her to have to be alone while waiting.

We spent 20 precious hours in the hospital with Peter’s first family. We got to meet E*'s Mom (who is an amazing woman - just like her daughter), and when it came time, we were all in the room when Peter was born. I have to say, that moment was the MOST amazing experience of my life. Peter’s first mother gave me a gift she didn’t even realize when she asked us to be there – I am unable to have kids. I never expected to ever experience child birth in any form and I can say it’s the most unbelievable experience anyone has ever been through. A Miracle happened right in front of my eyes. Seeing her son with her was beautiful. When she asked if wanted to hold him – even before the birth father, I was overwhelmed. When Peter was in my arms in those first precious moment's of his life, I think my heart was ready to burst. I cried, overwhelmed with emotion. Dan took this picture - I don't even remember it! I can't even describe the feeling in my heart - it was truly a God moment. As I sit here writing this post, he's sleeping on my chest and I am just so happy.

More to come later - he's waking up and he's hungry!

Is it Normal??

2011-04-19T13:40:00.001-07:00

I feel like I’m a little overwhelmed! I’m working a ton of extra hours at work so that my co-workers won’t be stressed while I’m out with baby Peter. I've come to acknowledge that its more than that, I’ve been anxiously trying to put everything together, so our home is perfect for when he decides to join us. It’s only 2 days to his official due date, and I’m waking up to check my phone 10X per night, thinking I’d missed E*’s call! E* shared with me this fun fact – only 4% of babies are actually born on their due date…so who knows when this little guy is coming! I begin to wonder if it is normal to think about baby Peter and E* all the time and pray for them constantly? I know everything will happen when it’s supposed to – I don’t know how many examples in my own life have already showed me timing is always perfect – even if I don’t think so at the time.

Waiting is hard for me too – because I KNOW that God’s timing is perfect. It doesn’t relieve the stress of the big “W,” any more knowing His timing is perfect…it doesn’t make waiting any easier and in fact often it is HARD. As a potential adoptive parent waiting is something that can become consuming as we wait for our children to find us.

As an adoptive mom- I dream about Peter. I imagine what he will look like, and what he will smell like, and how each of his sounds will be different. He has such an amazing first mother and although I’m not giving birth to him, he is already ingrained deep within my heart. I know that our journey so far has been so much richer, deeper, and more blessed than what I could have ever dreamed, because of him. And I also know that this last leg of the journey to his birth will be much more than what I am imagining it to be because that is the amazing and wonderful Father that we serve.

Scripture is full of people who waited. Abraham and Sarah waited for a child. Isaac waited on the altar for God to intervene. Jacob waited seven years and one week for his beloved Rachel. Joseph waited 13 years for freedom. David waited 15 years for his new job as king. Jesus waited to begin his public ministry. God often answers our prayers with the four letter word, WAIT. I sometimes feel crushed under the weight of “wait.” The heaviness seems unbearable at times. Someone wise pointed out to me that wait training is a discipline that is intended to strengthen us – its biblical!

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.” Hebrews 12:11-12

Waiting is a discipline that produces righteousness and peace. For those of you who like me are waiting on the Lord timing in your life please let me also share this poem written by John Tyler.

Why Waiting for God Pays Off

If God wrote this letter to you, would you be a bit more patient while waiting for Him to answer your prayer?:
“I want you to cast all your cares and worries on me because I care for you. (James 5:7) Leave them with me…I will take care of those worries that you have, but be patient because those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” (Isaiah 49:23b)
I want you to know that since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides me, who acts on behalf of those who wait for me. (Isaiah 64:4)
Sometimes, when I want to strengthen you, I send a trial so that I can help you learn patience – and we should all accept our trial or time of testing when I send one because – at the end of that test, you will have learned patience. (Romans 5:3)
When I try or test your faith, it is to see if you really do trust me. It’s for YOUR GOOD that I do this. My goal is to help you learn to be patient. The trying of your faith works toward your achieving patience James 1:3. When you wait upon me, you can be sure that everything that you leave in my hands must be left in my hands as an act of proof that you truly trust me. When you do this – when you finally learn to trust me 100%, I promise you that all things will come out perfectly.
It’s really all about trusting me. I want you to trust in me with all your heart and don’t lean on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge me…cast your burdens on me…and I will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6).
I can see around corners…you cannot. I know what lies ahead…you do not. Everything will work out just fine to all those who love me, who trust me…who reverence me because I have a purpose for each life who does fully trust me. (Romans 8:28).

Amen!

Sometimes…well…really all the time - I need to be reminded that He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and perfectly capable of ALL that I worry about and focus on. I have to remind myself - He is GOD! He is greater, stronger, smarter, than I am! He is LOVE and you can rest assured- that He desires for us to receive and walk in the fullness of all that He has prepared for our lives even more than we do….imagine that :)
God loves baby Peter more than I do, more then E* does. As Mom’s she and I love him with every fiber of our being…but God’s love is incomprehensible. It is wider, deeper, higher, longer, and stronger than our earthly love will ever be.

What it's like (9 days till Peter's due date)

2011-04-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

My mind has been cycling through all the words in my vocabulary in an attempt to properly describe what Dan and I are feeling at this point in our lives. Here are some of the things that have flitted through my mind:

Elated.

Ecstatic.

Thrilled.

Grateful.

Humbled.

Overjoyed.

Nervous.

Lucky.

Blessed.

Fortunate.

Overwhelmed.

Eager.

So very happy.

There are so many details of these past few months that we want to share, and will share in time. But for now, we want all of the wonderful people who have been reading our adoption blog and praying fervently along with us to know that E* and E* are the most incredible people. It humbles me every day that they chose us to be the parents for the baby she is carrying.

A baby boy. Due April 21st – ONLY 9 days away!!

We couldn't be more excited! Or amazed. The past few months as we have grown to know and love E*, our birth mom, we have spent literally hours and hours either together, or on the phone, or on the computer sending emails back and forth – just sharing our lives with her and getting to know about her in return. She is absolutely everything we hoped for in a birth mom - a friend, a kindred spirit, someone who listens to and follows the Spirit. And it doesn't hurt that she is super cute and sweet and interesting, and we share so many similarities from how we were raised to a shared passion for travel to similar tastes in music and faith, and even food. We are flying high on the energy we have from the time we have spent face-to-face and we can hardly wait for little Peter to join us!

Just so you know, this blog was created to just give a glimpse into our lives, now we feel like the gears are shifting just a little bit and we want to share portions of the process with those who have expressed friendship and love of adoption as we progress toward our baby's birth and beyond. Our hope is that it will help others - our families, her family, friends who we have only met on the internets and in the blogospheres - have a chance to share in the joy of adoption. We will also answer questions as best we can, but please understand that foremost in our minds and hearts right now is the need to protect both E* privacy and our baby.

For now though, we just want to celebrate the happiness and anticipation that we feel as we look forward to the end of April and meeting this little person - our little boy - who we have been praying for such a long time.

Much love,

Alana

P.S. – both Dan and I have fielded lots of questions over the past several weeks about adoption. He was inspired to put together some answers to just a few of the questions so that the most common ones would be answered. I love him so much – I think these questions are asked of a lot of adoptive parents in our position, so I’m so glad he was able to put into words our feelings and answers. (Believe me if you’re thinking about one of these questions – at least 10 other people have asked it!)

Question #1, "Are you sure this is going to happen?" Just like Ivory soap boasts its 99.98% pure, we are even more certain about our match and this impending placement. Of course, there is always a small chance that something could change. We accept that risk and please know that we will be sad and devastated if something does change. We trust E* in a way that is difficult to explain without you seeing our connection firsthand. Just as in the same way she unequivocally trusts us to raise her son.

Question #2, "Are you sure about how "open" you are being with this adoption?" I am a strong believer in the Holy Spirit. The Spirit guides everything to its right and proper end state. From the moment that Alana and I met E*, we knew that God was guiding this adoption. The people who connected us together, the timing of it all, and most importantly our similarities are not random connections. Call it fate, kismet, a higher power, etc.... the Spirit has brought us together at this time for a reason that we still do not fully understand. We are living in the now and strongly believe that a fully open adoption is the right arrangement for Peter Aaron. This has nothing to do with Alana and I or even E* & E* or either of our respective families. The first and foremost priority is doing what is right in the interest of this little child coming into the world. Is it going to be challenging? Maybe, but trust is how we are building this adoption. We hope that challenge will be minimal! Are we going to have moments of frustration and difficulty? Hopefully not, but if we do it will be fine. Every adoption is different and I would not recommend a fully open adoption for every situation. But in this connection, there has never been a doubt of the level openness.

Question #3, "You guys should be thrilled and ecstatic about everything, why are you guys not showing that? Do you have doubts?" We are beyond thrilled and looking forward to finally becoming a family! At the same time, we can't remove ourselves from everything that is leading to this family. First off, Alana is losing her Dad and that is breaking her heart at the same time. We try to separate the situations but it’s difficult to not have both emotions competing with each other. Secondly, this is not just an overnight event for us. We have been on the journey to family for nearly six years. For those of you who have never had difficulty starting a family please put yourselves in our shoes for a moment. It is all we have known for our marriage. While we have accepted this and embraced adoption as a path to a family, know that the journey here hasn’t been easy and isn’t easily forgotten. We try our best to live in the moment and appreciate this gift of family. And finally and most importantly, we see how self-sacrificing physically and emotionally the choice of adoption is to E*. We can not help but be humbled by her and what she is facing. This is the toughest decision that she will make in her life hands down. To see her go through the emotions affects us in a profound way!

Question #4, "When can we see you guys after Peter shows up?" The quick answer is that after we are home and settled with Peter. The hospital is E*'s time and she wishes that we are there when she feels it’s appropriate. We may or may not be in the delivery room and that is her decision. We will be beyond thrilled at that gift of hospital time. We will be in one of two places during labor and delivery, the L&D waiting room or the birthing room. While it will be difficult not having friends and family to support us, we need to keep this event as private as possible out of respect for E*. Prayers during this time will be so important. Would you be willing to keep vigil for ALL of us during that time? You will all know when that is – promise!

We are trying our best to live in this moment. We love all of you and if you find us starting to tune out or ignore you know that we do this to keep me focused on what is important, our family.

15 days?!?

2011-04-06T20:58:00.000-07:00

We have been very busy these past few weeks. Nights and weekends find us spending time with E* or putting together the baby's room for his arrival in about 2 weeks! We have already painted the room a muted yellow, and the baseball theme has begun to come together. Right now we have pennants from many different national league teams. We just purchased the crib tonight (Thanks Mom and Dad Glen!) and it will be here in 5-7 days. We already have the pack 'n play bassinet set up in our room for the first few months. We were so happy with how all the different projects are turning out. One unfinished item...I am in search of the rocking chair cushions for the rocking chair my Mum and Dad gave us.

The countdown is on...only 15 days until his due date! We are making our prep plans and getting everything we'll need together including the stuff we have bought for E* packed up and wrapped. We are so excited!

I am somehow calm and collected, but its because I'm staying busy. I can't seem to stop checking the volume on my cell! I keep thinking I've missed the call and she's in labor...Is this normal?

Enjoying the Moment

2011-03-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

I work with college students and helped one update her computer this morning. During the lull while downloading patches, we talked about our adoption story. I don't normally tell students about my life but have connected with this one enough to disclose. She wanted to schedule an appointment two weeks out which triggered me to explain that might not be a good idea! ;) In any case, she was thrilled for Alana and I and even mentioned her desire to adopt when she is done with school.

While I am looking forward to the arrival of Peter, I am just thrilled to enjoy the moment where we are today. This weekend was special being my birthday on Saturday. I spent two days with my wife and E* just having a good time. We attended a local semi-pro hockey game and had a blast. Alana and E* shopped for baby Sunday afternoon and I helped E* pick out a new computer for school and helped her set that up Sunday night. We just hung out watching funny videos and lost track of time.

There might be other aspects of life that are not going as well, but I really find myself at peace. Tonight I found myself learning the baby department of our local Target store. Also, learning the wonders of coupons for baby items. I saved $4.50 on a $19.97 box of diapers. I was very impressed!

Opening Day for baseball is on Friday. Beyond hope for all things personal, I am the optimist when it comes to my team. This year is ALWAYS the year for the Cubs. A new coach can bring a lot to a team. The Giants did it last year, who's to say that it can't happen this year. If I need to grow a strange beard, I will do it! But I do draw the line at wearing stuffed animals on my head. Not going to happen! Plus, the team has another fan in heaven this season leading us on. Ron Santo is up there with Harry. I hope there is some angelic heel clicking going on for the next few months.

Are we ready??

2011-03-25T06:29:00.000-07:00

So time is flying by!

I keep getting asked the same question over and over again..."Are you ready?"

YES - I'm ready!

We may not have all the cute outfits yet, or have all the gadgets that are a must have for all the kiddos these days - but I'm ready. A friend gave us their infant car seat that is belted tight in the car, and is waiting for the time when Peter will ride home in it. Eventually that's the seat that Nona and Grandpa will have in their car once we buy the one on our registry! We've got bottles and formula, diapers and recieving blankets, We've got a pack n play bassinet and a infant swing, and a diaper bag (although I'm not 100% sure on what to put in there and what to leave out). We have swaddle me's and waterproof crib sheets. We've 4 different sample packs of formula since we're not sure what Peter will like...we have 3 different infant tubs and infant soap. I have a husband who is ready to be a Dad, and 4 grandparents excited plus Peter's birth mother and father who are already part of our family and will continue to be. Yes, we need to pick up a few more things - wipes for one, a few more packets of onsies as another. BUT I'm ready to be a MOM - I have been for a really long time!!

Tomorrow I expect will be a good day - E*, Dan, and I are going to be in Hughson for the afternoon. We wanted E* to have a chance to meet my Mum and Dad. I am very excited - with Dad cancer not allowing him to travel very well right now, I'm thankful E* wanted to travel to meet him. We're all processing the terminal part of my Dad's diagnosis differently, but for me, I understand that he may not get to be a Grandpa on this earth very long, but I want E* to meet her baby's guardian angel before he goes to Heaven. We will be taking loads of pictures! :)

On our way home, we're headed to the Stockton Arena for some semi-pro hockey (seats on the glass mind you) - cause Dan and E* are the BIGGEST hockey fans I've ever met! I like hockey, but I have to admit - my favorite parts are the fights!

Unconditional Love...

2011-03-18T06:03:00.000-07:00

I have to say, time is flying by! We have been spending as much time with E* as she wants - and are LOVING getting to know her. Just have to say - she's one amazing woman well beyond the fact she's chosen us to parent her son. It is STILL so overwhelming and we are still so amazingly humbled E* and the birth father E* (the birth parents) has chosen us. This weekend we will be putting together the Adoption Plan and the Hospital Plan. Since we have chosen E* to be Godmother, we have to attend baptism classes together and the baptism will be when he's a month old or so.

It will be a big weekend...they are both joining us for a family dinner at our place where she will meet Dan's family. We are hoping she will feel right at home with a big extended family - as she's from a big family too.

The more and more I get to know E* the more amazing she is. I'm so thankful she's patient with me as my emotions these days are on a yo-yo. Monday night we had her over for dinner (Spaghetti and Meatballs) and I had just come home from time with my Dad. I was overwhelmingly sad for him, and she so patiently allowed me to have the time to adjust to the excitement of seeing her again.

But right now, I just have to tell you about the love I'm feeling in my heart for E* and her baby boy. My love for her and Peter already knows no bounds. I hope that it something I am able to convey through both word and action over the years. Beyond that love, I hope she is also able to understand that my love is unconditional.

I am there for the long haul for her. She can tell me she disagrees with me and I’ll still love her. She can be out of touch for a while and I'll be sad, but I'll still love her. Point is: I love her for the amazing choice for life she has made - no matter what the circumstances of our situation may turn out to be as the years pass.

We have had a few comments lately that our open adoption is inspiring, but have received feedback about boundaries and the concern for future co-parenting. I'm not worried. Our relationship will develop over time - we'll always be Mom and Dad, but E*'s always going to love him. We're just going to have a different type of family. A special type of family!

For those of you who read this and think I'm seeing adoption with rose colored glasses - I'm not. I'm living in the moment where are developing a wonderful relationship with this woman, and care about her deeply. Please don't think I am pretending that it will always be smooth sailing. I'm not that naive - but the "bumps" we've hit have had nothing to do with the birth parents and us...its been from people who don't understand open adoption and the incredible benefits it will have for our son.

As we walk into this weekend's activites, part of my responsibility to her will to be to respect those boundaries which she sets, which I hope she will understand, is just another way of showing her that unconditional love.

Its Not About Us!

2011-03-16T13:23:00.001-07:00

Way back when we started down this road to open adoption we were challenged as a couple. No, I don't mean we faced adversity! The powers that be made a blunt and honest statement. This thing called Open Adoption is not about you as prospective parents. It's all about the child. So if you are coming in here demanding a child because you feel you are entitled to one after years of IF, turn around and leave. It may of not been that blunt, but I think for the most part this was the general request.

At the time, I did not understand what they meant. Two years have past and we now have a beautiful expectant mom who has chosen us to parent her baby boy in a few weeks. I feel so honored and blessed to be given that honor. I now understand that it is ALL about the child and not about us!

We as humans are insecure and scared. That is part of what makes us fallible. We are scared about what we don't understand, We are scared about being uncomfortable. These feelings can hinder us from being better parents. We have to trust that things will all work out when we again, think in terms of what is best for the child.

Every adoption is unique and special. With the help of the professionals, E*, Alana, and I have agreed that what is in the best interest of our son is to have a completely open adoption. Our son will know E* and will be able to maintain an appropriate relationship with him. Is it going to be challenging? ....YES! Is it going to take work? ....YES! But at the end of the day, will this child be at peace with who his is and where he came from? ...We can only pray and hope!

There are very few road maps for open adoption. But, these last three weeks have taught me to have faith. We are being guided by the Spirit. And in that, I can honestly say that I find peace right along with the two most important women in my life. I trust that all will be glorious in His presence.

Our friends and family all love us to pieces! Last thing they want to see is us getting hurt. Alana and I have carried so many crosses in our young marriage that we are prepared for difficulties. I am open to God's will whatever that may be. I am confident that the path we take is the right one.

Alana and I have never felt entitled to a family, but have always felt called to parenthood. I trust that God's plan will allow that to happen. In fact, it is happening right now. I am so blessed for E*'s choice of us.

The benefits of this so outweigh the risks as a co-worker just reminded me. We are witnessing a miracle and I am enjoying the ride!

Lenten Upgrade

2011-03-08T21:47:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow starts the season of Lent on the Catholic calendar. Therefore, tonight was a celebration! Mardi Gras! But not in the "traditional" throwing beads sense. Our church threw a Mardi Gras potluck feast complete with homemade king cake (oh it was yummy!) followed by a prayer service to start the season of Lent. The room was colorful and full of noise. Alana and I sat with some parishioners we didn't know and got to tell our adoption story for the umpteenth time in the last two days. Guess what! It hasn't gotten tiring telling it! Everyone in awe of how beautifully God's hand held this all together. We ate, embraced, and laughed with great friends.

Then...

The lights were turned down. We cleared all of the decorations, plates and cups, and moved our chairs in a circle. We each took dried palms from last year and processed to a lit fire pit outside singing. Tomorrow's ashes were being created. We read from scripture about how to give alms. And lastly, we learned about how just like a computer needs upgrades we as humans do as well. Just like the option to upgrade now or later happens with software, so does Lent present an opportunity to upgrade our spiritual software now or later. Check out the following article:

http://www.uscatholic.org/life/everyday-spirituality/2011/02/you-20-lenten-upgrade

We wrote down our pledges for this season. And we silently left. So peaceful. Such a transition from celebration to centering. These last few days have been joyous. I am so excited about how our lives are about to transform with a baby and new partner in faith in his birth mother.

It is not ironic that tomorrow the adoption wheels will start to spin while we start this Lenten season. And with a due date of April 21st, we end Lent and begin the mystery of the Triduum on Holy Thursday. We are called to prepare and make sacrifices. The three of us, with A LOT of help will focus on each other and the little boy waiting to change all of our lives forever. God's plan brought us here together at this time.

One of my promises is to let go of distractions. They present themselves in many ways and only I know what they are. But my pledge is to let them go. The more I let go, the more at peace I become.

I am amazed and inspired by E*. I am amazed and inspired by Alana. Both of these women have carried the heaviest of crosses to get to this point. To borrow from my wife, they are both my 'Extra-Ordinary Heroes' and will always be forever more to me!

Easter will bring new life to us as it never has before. I know why we were made to wait. I am almost fully prepared. These next forty days will handle the rest.

God bless you all!

She chose us!

2011-03-08T06:25:00.000-08:00

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations." (Jeremiah 1:5)

It's been a whirlwind these last couple of days.

So in brief...we have been meeting with a birthmother and facilitator over the last several weeks. Sunday we invited E* to mass and then dinner following. So we had just sat down to dinner and hadn't even ordered and she said, "If you still want to be my baby's parents, I would really like that." SHE PICKED US!!!!!!! Of course we were overcome with joy!

It was such an amazing night with her. We talked faith; we talked about all of our journeys to adoption. God has his hands all over this - there was a peace that has come over all of us since that night. Every step we take in this process I see how amazing adoption can be. We are going to have a relationship with this AMAZING woman for the rest of our SON's lives. You have had a part in that – all of the prayers... We are continuing to pray.

E* wants to meet our family. She will be a part of our lives and HIS life which was a relief to her. She is local, so we've been able to spend time with her and get to know her. I'm so grateful for that, so we can tell our baby all about her Mom. It will be an open adoption, with pictures, phone calls, letters and some visits too. She and the baby are healthy.

We are so thrilled – and in 6 weeks, we’ll all begin this journey of family together. There’s such a peace about her, and the connection is so overwhelming we feel that God’s brought us together for this purpose. So we are getting very busy organizing and making more room for baby! It's such an odd feeling, that there was this young woman who was a stranger and is now one of the most important people in our lives! We have a new found love and affection for her and want the best for her too. We are eternally grateful to her and have such respect for her strength for all she's been through and to come to this decision to choose adoption and extremely glad she chose us to parent her child. Her faith is so strong – and we now know all of the prayers we have been praying were for her and the birthfather.

She would like me to attend doctor's appointments with her and we are looking forward to the opportunity to get to know her and her family better! God is good and we know he has a good plan for E*, this little baby, and for us. This child will be blessed with the security of knowing God has been watching over and protecting Him since before he was born.

We appreciate all the love and support we have received from everyone. How wonderful that we’ll have a son at the end of April!!! Our son!!?? Wow!! It's still so surreal and hard to believe. But I do believe. I believe!

We have been matched, as they say in the adoption world.

What if...

2011-03-06T10:44:00.000-08:00

What if you were told you only had six months to live? Do you think you would look at life differently?

Nearly every Christmas season I make my movie rounds...you know the favorites. Of course there's a list to be followed National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation sometime around Thanksgiving, followed closely by The Santa Clause, and of course, It’s a Wonderful Life. No matter how many times I watch It’s a Wonderful Life I am overwhelmed with the idea that we each make a difference. What, if like George, we all got a glimpse into how different the world would look without our contributions. Would we value our lives more? Would we pay more attention to our impact on others and the world around us? Would we be less hard on ourselves, knowing the world was a better place because we existed?

A few Christmas's ago, I wrote letters of appreciation to my family - each one of them. This week, when we received the news that my Dad's cancer has spread and his journey in life WILL be cut short, I decided on one sleepless night to write down how I felt about him, so he would know EXACTLY without a doubt what he means to me. There are many people that make a difference in my life, but my life is specifically better because of my Mum and Dad. I can tell you that I have no regrets - he was crying to much to read the letter fully, so he asked me to read it to him. We all ended up sobbing...I just didn't want one more day to go by without him knowing fully what a difference he made in my life.

I’m not sure why we’re not more encouraged to express our appreciation for people and their impact in our lives, but I hope that in my daily life, I can share more “Jimmy Stewart Moments” with the daily people who make my life richer, because I think the important things in life transcend dollars, cents, and status.

Today is what is we have - and opening your eyes to see what really matters is what counts. What if we all got super honest, and told the deep truth...what if we gave ourselves permission to cut the cord of complacency and to love deeper, bigger, and tell the whole truth of who we really are? What if we all took a giant step into the unknown?

What would YOUR life look like if you took bigger risks? Do you notice that when someone faces a life threatening illness that often their attitude on life changes? Because when the context changes, you are inspired to see things with a different perspective and you begin to make serious changes in how to approach life. I can't help but think that if we all really knew we had six months, most of us would make some serious course corrections to our lives.

I don't know if some of my ramblings impact you, but I'm hoping as I spend the time with my father on the last months of his journey, you might be inspired to do what you’ve always wanted to do. Start taking a few more risks. Make some mistakes. Express your love more....

Yah Der Hey!!!!

2011-03-03T12:53:00.000-08:00

That is the formal greeting for us folks from the dairy state. I have tried, and epically failed, at creating my own blog over the years. I appreciate the opportunity to share my feelings with all of you.

The first thing I need to tell all of you is that E* has connected back with us and we are planning our first meal together sometime this weekend. Food is such an equalizer. A great way to connect people. We celebrate with food. It almost seems like the best first choice for us to share a meal together. This entire situation seems just so surreal to me. We are so very blessed to have this opportunity.

Here are some facts about me. Even though I am a Wisconsin Man, I am originally a California native. You betcha, I still consider myself a cheesehead. I have such fond memories and great friends to this day from my eight years in high school and college out there. I celebrate almost everything that is Wisconsin. The (World Champion) Green Bay Packers, Wisconsin cheese, brats, Harley's and the list could go on for days!

I love my family. There are plenty of them. Alana always jokes that there are so many you could fill a hotel. Good thing I have a cousin that runs one! Most are all over Wisconsin and other states back east. Facebook has become a way to stay in touch.

Lastly, I love my wife! Yes, family and wife are somewhat redundant but I have to call out the misses! She has been my better half for more than six years. I can't remember life without her, or I choose to forget that so easily. Even with all of the struggles that we have faced, I wouldn't change anything. The statement, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger," is so true in our marriage. It breaks my heart to see her so sad when it comes to her Dad. Mum and Dad are amazing and I owe everything to them. They raised some great kids! Yes, you to Ian!!!!

So here we are with so much to be thankful for. The last few weeks have been bittersweet but again I wouldn't change them for one second. A good friend of mine recently said that his life right now resembles a constant prayer. They are also in the middle of an adoption wait. I have connected with that statement and feel at peace with the plan that appears before me.

Thank you all for your prayers, well wishes, and just being their for our growing family these days. We are so blessed.

Until next time....from the Wisconsin Man.

A meeting and a NEW author!

2011-03-02T22:57:00.000-08:00

So we are very excited, E* emailed us tonight and would like to get together again. We emailed her back with 2 or 3 dates and are waiting to hear back from her if any of them work with her schedule. We've been praying for her - she is 7 weeks to her due date. She must be going through so many hard emotions with such courage. We also are excited to see if we will get a chance to meet the Dad, although we don't know if/when that will happen given his distance to us. I have so many questions! If they choose us as adoptive parents for their baby, would it be to much to ask for pictures of them? Can we ask for pictures of the family? We could purchace a plane ticket for the Dad to visit - is that something we are allowed to do?? What is ok? All questions to ask our agency...those and so many more!

Also, I would like to introduce the newest (and only other) author on The Life of a Wisconsin Man and a California Girl...

My Wisconsin Man - Dan!

He had his own blog for a while - but since this blog is really about our life - he will be a contributor here on occasion. You'll know if its me or him by the signature at the bottom of the page...

Loving the exciting time right now,

A California Girl

Life's waiting room...

2011-02-27T01:27:00.000-08:00

I've realized my entire life can be reduced to waiting... I've spent time in life waiting to to find my soulmate, waiting for medical tests, waiting for results, then waiting for kids - a common theme of my life is this waiting! Living while waiting is hard - and sometimes we're successful, and sometimes we're not! I should be used to the wait by now, but I'm not. I'm still anxtious when I have to wait for something, I still worry about the "what ifs" and "how will" of whatever wait I'm in. There are still days I really struggle with being in the present - right now and no more. Its hard not to second guess life's wait...or read the wrong thing into it. Waiting is hard - but we're trying to live normally! I don't want to look back and regret that I didn't do something or was nervous about the wait. I also want to think about setting up the nursery so things would seem more real for us.

Dan and I have been waiting for E* to call us over the last few days. The faciliator has provided her with just my cell phone number so I have reduced myself to showering with it! I wouldn't want to miss the first call! She's had the number since Wednesday night last week - and no call yet. We hope she's just busy, maybe a friend dropped in for the weekend...or maybe she's waiting until she knows when the birthfather can come into town so we can all meet. This whole process with E* has us so suprised - I think Dan and I are still in shock that the connection felt so GOOD - I don't think either of us imagined it would be this nice. We are excited of the idea of her choosing us - but hard for my mind to comprehend all she's going through to make that choice. We're praying for her - fully believing that God has us right where we are for a reason.

Last night at mass we the gospel spoke to me and I'm doing my best to listen with my whole heart to its teachings. ...“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day." (Matthew 6:34)

She wants to meet us again AND a Dad update...

2011-02-22T21:12:00.000-08:00

Adoption update:

Dan called our facilitator today. Apparently the feelings about the meeting with expectant mom E* were mutual, and she felt there was a strong connection as well. She actually wants to meet us again separate of the facilitator to get to know us better. She gets our direct contact information from the facilitator tomorrow morning, and we hope to be getting a call or email from her some time tomorrow. We are not matched with her yet but it sure seems like this is where its headed!

Dad update:

"Hold your parents tenderly, for the world will seem a strange and lonely place when they are gone." William Luce.

Watching someone you love suffer is hard to watch. The scriptures tell us there is a time to be born and a time to die. Our bodies cannot live forever in their present state and one day all our human accomplishments will disappear. But a parent's legacy will always remain. For all of you out there - Remember the lessons your parents taught you. Treasure the memories of your family. Leave a legacy.

Dad's neighbors held a blood drive on Saturday which Dad attended. Click this link if you'd like to see a few pictures: Pictures of the Blood Drive for Dad

While I'm waiting...

2011-02-17T16:26:00.001-08:00

"Be amazed... for in your days I am doing a work, a work that you will never believe even if someone tells you." Acts 13:41

This is the passage that is on my inspirational day calendar on my desk today. It sits in front of my monitor at work, so every time my eyes left my screen to answer the phone or jot a note my eyes viewed this passage. All day I was reminded to “Be amazed…" with this message from Acts about waiting. So we wait, and I listen, and I trust…trust this process and the people who are in it.

If you’ve been following this blog for anytime now, you’ll know I have been dealing with this "waiting" issue for quite a while now! A friend put it best, “Adoption is like a pressure-cooker to learn how to wait patiently.” Today, I had plenty of practice – everywhere I went there was a wait: waiting to hear from Mom about Dad’s condition (he’s in the hospital), waiting for the microwave in the break room, waiting for the restroom at work, and there was even a long wait at the gas station (so much so I left!). My attitude towards waiting has been less than stellar over the last few years – I haven’t been a patient person! As people ask more and more about where we are in our adoption process – I am reminded of the wait. We started the process with our agency 24 months ago, and are coming up on 22 months on the approved and waiting list. I have had to understand and appreciate what patience looks like daily.

I think I’m starting to realize that "patience" is not the goal for the waiting. Just as a quality of character is not the end result of trials in life. Your character may benefit from living the experience, but it isn't why God uses waiting to teach us. I think I’m beginning to learn and understand that is that God really just longs for me (and you!) to be in His presence. His request is so basic -to surrender the "waiting." It is only after I can surrender the wait that I can say "Yes, Lord. I trust You with EVERYTHING I AM."

Oh sure, I’d love to speed up the process of waiting and hear from our facilitator about our meeting on Tuesday night – but it’s not the way things happen. This will turn out the way it’s supposed to – with a natural beauty for whatever happens. I can be grumpy, I can be sad, I can pout, and even get angry – but that won’t allow me to surrender. So I’ll accept, I’ll pray, I’ll hope and “be amazed” with my wait.

The meeting...

2011-02-16T20:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we had our first meeting a birth mother who wanted to meet us after picking our profile along with Lois (a facilitator from Birth Connection). The day was filled with all kinds of emotions. It's hard to explain exactly how you feel when you are about to meet the young woman who could be the mother of your child. We both felt so nervous but that feeling was interchanged with so much excitement. We decided to buy her some daffodils as a reminder of the upcoming spring - a gesture of a new beginning.

Once she arrived we were able to sit and talk for nearly 2 hours. She is cute, driven, strong in her faith, level headed, sweet, and loved her lists (so do I), and everything we could have every imagined about a birth mother. She was so gracious and loving towards us. We felt so at ease with her and feel honored that she wanted to meet us when there are so many other waiting families.

So now, we are again in the hurry up and wait portion of this process - and we hope to hear soon that she'd like to meet us again. Dan and I appreciate all of you who have been so committed to praying for us over the last 2 years of our adoption process. We have felt every prayer, and we are so grateful. Only God can make this work. Only God can make something so hard so easy. So as Dan and I pray for this birth mother to be led to the parent's God's chosen for her child, we wonder if you might pray for this as well.

*Pray for the health of this birth mother and her baby.
*Pray for strength for the birth mother and birth father as they make the hardest decision of their lives.
*Pray for the grandparents as they deal with all the emotions of placing their first grandchild for adoption.

Adoption is one of the hardest options for a birthmother - but I hope that one day maybe she can hear this song, and know that despite what everyone may say to her, she did follow her heart and it was the right choice for her.

Meeting a expectant mother - tonight!

2011-02-15T03:23:00.000-08:00

An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet,

regardless of time, place, or circumstance.

The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.

--- An ancient Chinese belief

Will it be tonight that we will find the thread that connects us - will it be the thread that is woven into both our lives forever? We are excited beyond belief to have this unexpected meeting (we didn't know this young lady was looking at our profile) and are completely full of nerves. We will be bringing her a bouquet of flowers - just as a thank you for meeting us and a symbol of spring and new beginnings. E* will be meeting us at a church with our facilitator, and she'll be trying to decide if we are the right people for her precious baby. Dan and I are praying and hoping that we'll know and she'll know if we are right for her.

The other expectant couple with the attorney passed on us, as we don't already have children. Somehow it feels ok since the waiting parents they are interviewing are friends of ours and will make GREAT parents again!

A peek into why I love my Dan...

2011-02-14T05:26:00.000-08:00

I love mellow days like yesterday!

Dan and I spent the entire day in the kitchen together, making food together (we make meals ahead of time to make the weeknights easier). Dan made this yummy chicken and brown rice soup, I made two mini lasanga's (made with turkey), and we had enough of a few ingredients to make sliders, including a 12 pack of rolls we inheritied from a family party.

Since there were more than enough sliders to share -- we called our friends and found out if they wanted dinner too. Being only 2 versus their 4, its sometimes easier to take everything over and cook at their house. We did - and the sliders were so yummy! So after dinner we all enjoyed some much needed down time. Dan's like a magnet with kids - so of course they wanted to hang with him. So last night, he intoduced Emily and Ethan to Nook Kids - a program that has childrens books with audio. For an hour and a half, they shared the couch and had a great time, turning pages and singing along with songs. This is just one of the reasons I think Dan will make a great Dad!

So Dan, if you're peeking into this blog today, Happy Valentine's Day honey - I love you so much!

Is it better if we don't know?

2011-02-11T04:10:00.000-08:00

"He is a strong and faith filled Italian man from Wisconsin and a great husband - you're going to love him!"

This is how I began our quest for a child - I answered to Tammy, our home study social worker.

We had been investigating agencies for a few months, and I sat across the table in an interview room at my work discussing our hope to be parents someday.   With no kiddos of our own, the closest parent experiences were giving our friends a much needed date night from their kiddos by babysitting for them. Even though my experience is limited, I feel like I am totally prepared for it!

I know I'm a slave to routine and organized to a tee, I am looking forward to the day I sit there in the aftermath of toys and stuffed animals, I'm sure sleepless and just a tad overwhelmed. I look forward to the spit-up stains on my shoulder and Wiggles on in the background.

When we first started this process our social worker, Tammy suggested working on our adoptive profile—a document that agency uses in part to provide birth mothers the means determine which family is right for their child. Our only real experience with writing had consisted mostly of having a blog in which I made including the ramblings of our life. So we began writing, first describing Dan, then myself, then Vinny our dog in as much detail we could muster.

This week, right after we got news about having this blog published in Adoptive Families magazine - we received an email about a birth mother and father looking for Catholic adoptive parents for their baby. As we called and listened to the scenario, it seems like our ideal situation - the birth mother and father want an active practicing catholic couple (which we are), who wants an open adoption (which we do), and wants their son to know his bio-siblings (which we are excited about).  The only preference we do not meet is the parents desire to have another adoptive child in the home.  We plan to adopt again, but don't know if it will be a deal breaker for them. We provided their attorney with all our info and we're waiting.     Normally, we don't know if we're being presented - the agency just send our information on and doesn't tell us - I don't know which way is better!   I'm happy we know we're being presented this time however, as it allows us the time to pray specifically for this couple as they go through the most heart-wrenching and life changing decision in their life.

Last night was a restless and sleepless night spent with my mind racing over what-ifs and marveling at what-could-be. I have taken some very deep breaths as I have been praying if this will turn into a match for us.

Its hard to ignore Divine Intervention - it seems like such a perfect fit.  I will be praying for this couple as they review the profiles they have been sent. I can hope we are chosen, but I humbly acknowledge that its all in God's hands and only he knows who he has chosen to bring our family together.

Exciting News!

2011-02-10T19:48:00.000-08:00

First, thank you to whoever nominated this blog for the Top Adoption Blog contest for Adoptive Families magazine. Of course I was blown out of the water when I received the following email:

Dear Lanie,

I'd like to introduce myself, I'm Mary Kearl, the Web Editor for Adoptive Families and the Community Editor for Adoptive Families' social network, AdoptiveFamiliesCircle.com. I wanted to let you know that the magazine has chosen to include your blog in its first annual roundup of the top 20 adoption blogs. The announcement will officially be made in the March/April issue.

Wow, this little blog will actually be listed beyond the few people I thought were reading it! Dan and I are very honored and excited. The issue will be on newstands on March 8th, and I'm going to be picking up a few extra! There are some really great articles on the online site, as well as the magazine which is published 6 times a year. Check them out: http://www.adoptivefamiliescircle.com/

To whoever nominated this blog, thank you. I'm beyond humbled and I'm very excited.

Do you believe in ordinary heroes?

2011-02-09T10:27:00.001-08:00

I do, and I am so blessed to know a few ordinary heroes in my life. An ordinary hero to me isn’t someone who’s larger than life, but rather someone who’s simply a person who has great strength and ability. Recently I’ve found myself thinking of those people of great strength who are an inspiration to me.

Like my Mum and Dad. Here are two people who for the past 8 months have been floored by the challenges that come with fighting for life against cancer. It’s in this ordinary battle that so many people have to face, that I see such courage and hope in how they handle it. Back in June when they received the diagnosis – they got together and told the people they loved that “There is always something to be optimistic about and hope is always present with the right attitude. We’re choosing to fight this as it’s really it is the only alternative." Mum and Dad are just ordinary people who are fighting “the good fight” every day and along the way have become ordinary heroes to others who need an example to lead them through their personal struggles. My Mum and Dad remind me of a favorite Emerson passage, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are small compared to what lies within us.” Now when I hear someone battling anything – I have words to help them not to give into whatever they are struggling with. I'm sure they have their moments of fear and loss during their journey, but the courage in facing their everyday challenges inspires me. In my life, my Mum and Dad are ordinary heroes.

I have a friend who went through a horrendous challenge when she was burned in a fire at home. Her heart has been heavy as she has been recovering, especially having to spend so much time in the hospital away from her husband and her 2 and 4 year old. The time in the hospital really it took a toll on her heart and being away from her family really challenged her. I am so proud to know that today, while still recovering, she chooses to see hope for better days in 2011. This friend of mine goes through her day with a graciousness and optimism that I would find difficult to muster given the pain she’s in. In my life, she is an ordinary hero.

I also have hope to find an extra-ordinary hero in the future birthmother/family of our child. I follow a few birthmother blogs, and its from them I understand how often times she’ll face criticism for her choice to choose adoption. The best analogy I’ve heard about the example of selflessness of an birthmother is the analogy of a burning building. If you had a child to choose between yourself and your child to be rescued from a burning building, could you? Relinquishing a child for adoption is like making that choice, imagining handing your child to someone from the window of a burning building. It is not an unloving act, or the act of a woman pathologically unattached to her child, but instead a supreme act of love! As she becomes part of our family to me she will always be an extra-ordinary hero. And, I will be the lucky one to have her in my life...

These are not the only people of great strength in my life. I am fortunate to be surrounded by many others. Some are heroic in how they exhibit integrity, forgiveness, compassion or a determination to simply keep going in extremely difficult situations. They are the blessings that encourage and inspire me each and every day, when I take the time to notice them. You might want to take a moment to recognize the heroes in your life too. I'm sure they are there, living ordinary lives in heroic ways. I hope you take the chance to tell them.

What a great message!

2011-02-08T13:37:00.001-08:00

Last night, I felt called to join in my local parish mission and listen to Father Cedric Pisegna’s sermon. It couldn’t have come at a better time for me spiritually! His presentation focused on pressing on towards “the” goal which was a reflection on St Paul’s letter to the Philippians (Chapter 3:12 and 4:1). Father Pisegna did such a great job – he clearly explained Paul’s history prior to Christ (which I didn’t know fully – still learning after RCIA) and talked about how Paul sometimes identifies with his faults, and acknowledges that his pursuit of heaven is not easy. Paul had more of a past than the other disciples – before Jesus called him he murdered and persecuted Christians and was by no means a pious man. In this letter, he talks about forgetting the past and really straining towards what is ahead, and God’s constant call to us.

I know it resounded with me because I really struggle with looking back in my own life – especially on this journey to be a mom. A runner in a race doesn’t keep looking back – it distracts the runner who could trip and fall by focusing on what’s behind them. I don’t want to count my regrets or failures. So thank GOD for forgiveness! He gives us forgiveness for my own failings and shows the grace to forgive the deepest hurts. I don’t think by any means that I won’t remember past hurts, but it’s a choice not to go there any longer – its choosing instead to look forward.

This message really resounded with me! Especially as I found myself dwelling on our wait to be chosen by a birthmother, not as focused as I should be on my prayer life. I’m extremely lucky that my sweet Dan recognized this in me – and suggested a rosary specifically to pray for our future birthmother. Of course the day he chose the tract was the sorrowful mysteries! It really reminded me of the community of faith – that all of us need to care for one another – that we are all part of the plan.

Personally I’ve resolved to not look at the past, or how long we’ve waited. Adoption is how we’ll be a family, it the path our feet are set upon. Our journey is continuing, and I look forward to the joy it will bring (eventually)! For now, I’m in a nesting faze and looking towards the future and I’ve been sewing like crazy. (Check out the pictures) First for two friends who just had babies, and then a little bit for our future too!

Will you help us?

2011-01-31T11:03:00.001-08:00

I promise that this blog isn’t going to always be about adoption forever! For right now, it is something I think about all the time. Both Dan and I are doing ok – we just feel determined and anxious for something to work out for us. Our agency has told us that the best way to get chosen for adoption is simply to get the word out to as many people as possible. The more people who see the profile, the greater chance you have of being chosen.

So, would you be willing to do any of the following?

- Put a link to our adoption profile on your own website? (http://adoptionconnection.com/parent_profile_detail.php?id=444&Daniel-and-Alana) or (http://www.welzonline.com/)

- Post a brief note about our desire to adopt on your blog/website/Facebook? If you’re willing, it would be great if you could include the link to our adoption profile!

o Will you ask others to do the same? It’s a good way for a lot of people in a lot of different places to see our profile. If they share with their friends – it can help us get the word out! J

- Would you pray for us?

If you have been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that it’s hard to ask for help. Some of you know that I’m a like to journal - and throughout this entire adoption process I have been writing letters to our baby as a way of “journaling” the experience. I went back and looked at the first letter I wrote – it reminded me there’s so much hope for this journey!

February 2009

Sweetheart,

We’ve done it. We’ve started our journey to find you. We have just met with Tammy a social worker for Adoption Connection. She was wonderful! There are so many things to do, so many things to prepare for. We have to get clearance from the state to be able to find you. We need our fingerprints, recommendations, and a home study (to make sure our house is perfect for you). I already can feel you growing in my heart little one! I try to imagine what you’ll be like, and I’m excited. We’re so excited to meet the wonderful lady who is going to grow you in her belly. She already loves you so much! When she chooses us to be your parents, I have no doubt that you will bring us immeasurable joy as we watch you grow and learn and figure out the world. You are on the way. Your Dad and I couldn’t be happier.

Love you so much,

Mommy

I hope you’ll consider helping us get the word out. Ever single email helps – every mention in a blog. Everything helps. We are praying for patience in our hearts during this journey, and for peace for the birth family who will choose us for parenting their beautiful baby!

In recovery from a little surgery...

2010-12-21T21:26:00.000-08:00

Nothing like having a major surgery right before Christmas! I am resting at home with my husband recovering from the removal of 1/2 of my left kidney. I am feeling pretty good - and am glad the surgery was so successful. As Christmas approaches, I am looking forward to the time we will spend with family. I know I'm only one year older (and a little wiser - I hope) I really am appreciating the simple things. Merry Christmas!

Nice Sunday,..

2010-12-05T16:37:00.000-08:00

I'm working on our Christmas newsletter, and have decided we're shopping online completely. Am enjoying the sound of rain and the snores of our precious doggie!

Words of Wisdom

2010-12-01T16:48:00.000-08:00

"The heart has its reasons which reason does not know." Blaise Pascal

"It's cancer. The tumor is malignent - we're going to need to remove part of your kidney."

These are the words I heard from my doctor recently. I'm doing my best to handle. As I'm diving through all the things I must do to move forward during a challenging time in my life, I know that life will be just fine. As my Mum always says, "Everything happens for a reason." In the past few weeks, I have learned what I always knew deep down was true - nothing happens by chance. Be it illness, love, lost moments of true greatness, or sheer stupidity - these all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. Life is definitely not dull for me.

I am in the process of recognizing (truly) that even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, I am learning that they are probably the most poignant and important ones. Each of the experiences I've had till this point, be it a bad relationship, to surviving a terrible accident, to accepting I'm infertile have prepared me to face this challenge. I'm sorry to be vague, I think just don't want to say the word out loud.

Besides this most recent challenge in my life, everything else seems to be going great! We were the featured couple for our adoption agency for the last 2 weeks. We just redesigned our profile, and are in the process of redesigning our website. Dad's cancer is getting better, slowly, and he's feeling ok for now. My brother has found someone he truly loves and is working on making a life together with her.

For a little while, this blog will be less about the journey to adoption as it will be about life in general. Hope you readers don't mind!

Thanksgiving Gratitude...

2010-11-25T10:01:00.000-08:00

This Thanksgiving, more than any other I am counting our blessings. We have so much for which to be thankful for in our life. This year has been hard, but not for many of the reasons I've blogged about in the past. I hinted in my last blog about my upcoming surgery, and as the time goes on I'm more at calm and at peace with what is happening to me. The last 2 months have been a whirlwind, and I'm thankful for great doctors, good friends, and knowledgeable family. Last month, they found a tumor in my kidney, while found before it spread, it is still very scary. I'm so blessed they found this tumor, they found it early, and my doctors assure me that they will get all with the surgery and I will recovery from surgery fully by mid January. Tentatively, that surgery will take place on December 15th.

Going through this at the same time Dad's fighting his cancer it makes me so thankful for the strength of all cancer patients. My gratitude above all runs deepest for all of the love and support my parents have received as Dad's battled this cancer be it from friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and many others, including people we've never met before giving so many units of blood that Dad needs. I hope that everyone that faces this diagnosis has the level of support that they have. I really do believe that support of those who love you could be nearly cure itself.

This past year has been a long and often difficult one. But it has been made easier because of all that our friends and family have shared with us. It's difficult to imagine getting through cancer treatment for anyone without such incredible support.

So Apple Hill was, ummm, AMAZING!!

2010-11-18T12:08:00.000-08:00

For one who has never been, it was great! We joined a big group of friends all with toddlers in tow to explore a few of the Apple Hill treasures. Of course we went to High Hill Farms, and then to Rainbow Hill Farm, and we had lunch with fresh pulled pork sandwiches at Honey Bear Ranch.(The pulled pork was awesome!)

We had SUCH a good time... But both of us have an apple coma from all of the apple stuff consumed today at Apple Hill. Hot apple doughnut, apple cider, waldorf salad, apple sauce, apple pie. It was a lot of fun! We'd totally do it again!

On other notes, this is really not a huge deal, but I have to have part of my kidney removed sometime in December (the date will be set in the next week or so). Let’s just say that earlier this month the doctors found a convincing reason for this surgery and Kaiser is moving forward at lighting speed and all will be well soon. Since I really want anyone to worry – I’m going to be very reserved in what I share about this online. I’m only a little scared as it will be surgery, and I haven’t ever been “under the knife” in my entire life. I met the surgeon Tuesday, and I am totally more at ease. For those of you who are friends on Facebook, we’re not talking about this there. I have way too many people who have access to my wall that don't need to know this level of detail about my life. I’m sure you can understand why I would want to keep something like this to just a few people.

Of course, if you’re a believer, prayers are definitely welcome, although I would rather you prayed for my Dad as he needs them more than I do! Dad's still making steady progress fighting his cancer (tumor shrunk by 3 CM!!! WOOHOO!!!) although the journey is hard. I'm hoping for a speedy recovery from this surgery so I can be there for both Mom & Dad as his treatment continues.

Life from here....

2010-11-05T15:49:00.000-07:00

I can’t believe I’ve lived in Sacramento 13 years and have never been to Apple Hill. Normally by this time of year, I’m craving some time just wandering, you know, with some direction – but at a place where everything is homemade and the smell of fall is in the air. For 13 years, something has gotten in the way.

Next Sunday (the 14^th), a group of friends is headed over to Apple Hill with everyone’s entire family headed for the play grounds, the pony rides and the hot apple cider.

We’re hoping that Sunday will be a good day – not to crowded, and far enough from Thanksgiving to share the experience not just as a couple, but as a part of a larger friends “family” of sorts. Were hoping the torrential storm forecasted for this weekend won’t spoil our plans, and there will be sunny skies for us to enjoy. I’m praying it will blow over quick because romping through the stormy mud doesn’t sound as fun as a beautiful sunny afternoon.

I don’t know why I have never made it to this Sacramento icon, but this year I really do not want to miss it! The idea of it reminds me of when Dan and I trek to cut down our Christmas tree, and there are kids all around, hanging on for dear life as we take the rickety jeep up the hill. It just reminds me so much of fall, of hay rides, crazy corn mazes, and pumpkin farms. I have gone as far as imagining doing all of these things with a child – and hope they are traditions we can start with our family.

Nearly 6 years ago, we began our journey towards a family. We thought it may take a year, but we start or family in our 20’s and be younger parents. That was not to be! Nearly 2 years ago, we had just begun our wait to adopt and were feeling rather hopeful. As time has flown by, I foolishly thought participating in events like visiting a Christmas tree farm, finding the perfect pumpkin at a pumpkin patch, a enjoying a hay ride at Bishop’s Farm or even visiting Apple Hill would made me question whether we would ever become parents.
I’m questioning no more! One day, we’re going to be great parents – and taking a trip to Apple Hill sans children won’t remind us we aren’t parents, it will allow us to spend time with our friends and their children and count our blessings.

Next year, when we go to Apple Hill, or the pumpkin patch, or the Christmas tree farm, we’ll be able to share the experience with innocent young eyes. We’ll be able to create new traditions – and I can just see that child’s face light up as we get close to the animals, or play in the orchard. We’ll be making a tradition to remember and I’m so excited for the idea of Welz Family traditions.

So I am so determined to go and enjoy Apple Hill. I have even prepared to go in the rain, or the mud regardless. (I know some of you may think of me as stubborn – I like to think of it as determination!) We’ll be scouting for new traditions to begin, I hope some of you can join us!

Lanie

hmmm...

2010-10-20T16:18:00.000-07:00

Hey friends,

I know I’m not updating as much these days, but that's because I have little to say that has changed.

Dad is still in chemo and is fighting hard against the cancer. There was some small progress seen after the last scan, so he’ll have another scan in a few weeks. His spirits are weak, but he’s tired – so we’re alternating weekends with my brother to spend time with him and help Mom with the household stuff.

For adoption its just been really hard just to live day to day without hearing anything positive. I weave in and out of feeling hopeful, but I struggle daily with the "why?" and "when?" I do feel like Dan and I have done everything in our power to get ready for this baby that just won't come right now. My hope is that today, tomorrow or maybe even the next day, we will get a phone call saying, "Hi this is Adoption Connection, we have your baby(s) and you can come pick him/her (or both) up now." Usually the next thought that follows is what if that doesn't happen for another four years. What will I do? Sometimes it feels like God is rubbing my face in the fact that I'm childless. I absolutely hate feeling that way because the God I know doesn't want me to hurt, he's just planning something way better than I can imagine.

I never really believed that a devil existed, but I know now that he does and sometimes has the ability to come into my thoughts and make me think the worst. I have some great friends who are very encouraging and tell me they know it's our baby is coming very soon, but only God knows for sure. I had a conversation with one of those friends the other day and we were talking about how frustrating it is when others say things like well you've only been really been waiting a year and a half. But the honest truth is I've wanted children my entire life and I have been waiting that long to be a mother. I really need to focus on the fact that God may be knitting our baby right at this very moment, still hoping that there is an expecting mother out there that is looking through our family profile at this very moment, learning more about us and preparing herself for the biggest, most selfless decision of her life.

If you are interested in helping with our adoption, the only thing we need left is prayer! I truly can't wait for the day that I can shout to the world, that we have been chosen to be parents and that our Baby Welz is coming home! Thanks for the thoughts and prayer and I hope that my honesty hasn't scared you away.

In God's plan,

Lanie

P. S. Do you know what the Dictionary says about waiting…(To expect: look forward to the probable occurrence of; To remain or be in readiness; To tarry until another catches up; To stay in one place and anticipate or expect something)

P.P.S. Do you know what the Bible says about waiting…(Psalm 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart: wait, I say, on the LORD; Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.)

God, can you hear me??

2010-10-14T14:19:00.000-07:00

I feel like we’re in the midst of a storm in our life, and for me sometimes it’s really hard to see beyond the situation at hand to understand the work God is doing behind the scenes. I know God hears my prayers, and I pray for the child who will find us through adoption, and the family that made the decision to choose adoption for their little one. I feel like prayer is a blessing for me, as my heart is completely and totally in love with a child which hasn’t found us yet.

Dan and I will be great parents – but the wait for a child through adoption can be a lonely one that few people can understand. I have heard that there are three kinds of people: Those who have been through trials, those who are going through trials, and those who are going to go through trials. I think this wait puts us in the middle group – as we’re headed through this trail and eventually, towards a happy ending! Last week, I had mentioned we were contacted by a birth mom in Idaho (we thought it might be a happy ending!). Our agency was in contact with her directly, and her cell phone isn’t working now. So, with no way for anyone to contact her, she’ll have to reach out. We will continue to wait patiently, however helpless we are in this case. I think first of all, during such times when we feel helpless, we need to recognize, though God allowed this, He did not make this happen. God is able to carry us through any situation and help us, whatever the outcome might be. God is not afraid these trials and He understands that we as His children just don't grasp His ways and plan sometimes.

So I rest in where I am, in this moment. I remind myself of what it says in Psalm 37:4-5, "Delight your way to the LORD, and HE shall give you the desires of you heart. Commit you way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." Then I pray for His will for our family to grow by one. God, can you hear me?

Three things...

2010-10-06T15:21:00.001-07:00

Balance is key in all parts of life! I think Dan and I are slowly finding our balance in all parts of life. Sometimes its saying “Yes” when a opportunity is faced or “No” when you already have a lot on your plate.

Dan & I have been quiet the last month. We tried something new with our adoption outreach. We received a gift of $100 for Google Ad words, and decided to give it a try in September. Well, we can tell you it kind of works! We pop up occasionally when someone searches for a series of words. A young lady in Idaho actually found us, and called us directly early last month. We’ve been finding out more about her – and her expenses may be more than we can afford (she needs help during the pregnancy AND does not have medical insurance and wants us to pay the hospital bill for her). We gave all the information we had to our agency, who has been researching all the in’s and out’s of the situation. We still don’t know a lot, but it’s nice to at least have someone who has seen who we are and liked us!

I have an opportunity to do a high profile project for the next 3 months at work, and I decided to move forward. For the next 3 months, I’ll be in between California and Chicago. It will be a rewarding and enriching experience, and hopefully produce a great result for my company.

So while we’re waiting for our agency or the birth mom to call, or my high profile project to start, I thought I would share the three things analogy I heard last week on pod cast. I wrote most of it down and think you might enjoy:

Three things in life that, once gone, never come back – Time, Words, and Opportunity.

Three things in life that may never be lost – Peace, Hope, and Honesty.

Three things in life that are most valuable – Love, Self-confidence, and Friends .

Three things in life that are never certain – Dreams, Success, and Fortune.

Three things that make a man/woman - Hard work, Sincerity, and Commitment .

Three things in life that can destroy a man/woman – Alcohol, Pride, and Anger .

Three things that are truly constant – Father, Son, and Holy Ghost .

Getting to know you!

2010-09-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

One of the blogs I regularly read just did this, and since I have been super curious for a long time about my readers, I thought I would ask you guys! I get comments from the same people that I know and love but I'm wondering about those of you that don't comment regularly or at all! Introduce yourself and let me know you are out there and what brought you to read my blog!

And to my regulars, you can comment here too. I love you remember?

Hmmm....long month!

2010-09-12T09:12:00.000-07:00

Life has been so crazy!

Dan and I have settled into a routine of visiting Mum and Dad every 2 weeks to help with everything at home from cooking to cleaning. Its given us a little more balance. Its taken me some time to really truly cope with the fact Dad has cancer. I've realized over the last few months, that what will happen to any one of us is out of our control. He's fighting pretty well, but he's gotten weaker with the last 3 months of chemo. He has another scan next week to measure the size of the tumors, and I'm praying that they are all smaller. I'm so thankful that we have had, and continue to have a good relationship - where things are out in the open. (sure, everyone has a couple of rocky years when parents and kids don't see eye to eye, but that's normal!) Just being away every other weekend squeezes time a little bit from the online world, and I have to say, its not something I miss to much. Quality time with those you love is important.

We did receive a phone call on the "bat phone" this week. Not getting our hopes up, but we've put her in touch with the agency.

In my last post, I commented about our online presence. We've decided to keep our blogs separate from our website - and instead have birth mom's communicate to us through facebook (where we've set up a profile specifically for our adoption). It just makes things a little cleaner for us. We've also made a few small changes to our website, in addition to posting an online ad. So far (7 days in) we've had one phone call. We'll see if we continue it next month!

I'll try to post more often than once a month!

A break from blogging

2010-08-16T07:57:00.001-07:00

So the last few weeks I've taken a break from blogging. Dan and I have really thought about our online presence, and I think we're going to change it up a bit. I'll still be posting on here, it will just be different!

Have you ever heard the term "Gazelle intensity?"

2010-07-30T10:59:00.001-07:00

I have – it’s a term I learned from Dave Ramsey (I’m a huge fan) and his philosophy about achieving goals.

That’s the way I am thinking about adoption these days – with Gazelle intensity. We are doing outreach in intense, but quiet and patient ways. We have “pass-along” cards we hand out and post all over town. We have our website, our portfolio, our primary agency, and our non-profit facilitator. I pray daily for our future match, to allow her to have peace in her life, and with her decision to choose life.

This philosophy of Gazelle intensity is why I don’t compare our journey to be a family to the Joneses. You know the family who is appears picture perfect, who just got back from a two-week trip to Europe dragging suitcases stuffed with souvenirs. They drive their 2.5 kids to private school in their new car, and every weekend, they head out on the town ”fashionably dressed” to eat at their favorite restaurants. We’re just not them – AND WE’RE OK WITH THAT! We do things a little differently. All vacations are paid in cash (before we leave). We choose to own our slightly used, however nicer cars outright. We only eat out once per week (or so) and choose to cook at home and spend time in the neighborhood. It’s just how we’ve chosen to live. That’s why we don’t compare – its no use. Their journey is their journey…ours is ours…there’s no comparison.

Believe me, there are days when our journey to a family is hard, the wait is sometimes intense on its own – but I recognize the value of the JOURNEY.

Dan and I are going to be a family someday, and there are precious lessons working LIVING in our journey. It’s during our journey to our future family we have really learned:

Stuff will never make you happy – If we hadn’t had to go through a time when only one of us was working, we would not have recognized that there’s simple beauty in giving in small and thoughtful ways – even if it just means your time.
More is never enough – I did some soul searching and asked myself what “enough” really looks like. I have learned to be happy with what I have – a husband who loves me, a dog who adores me, and amazing friends & family. And guess what – we have more than enough!
Contentment comes from within. – I’ve thought about the times I’ve felt most satisfied in life – and those moments are some of my fondest memories.

Honestly, the Joneses may be a perfect family, but who cares? It’s the love, time, and commitment I put into my own family that matters so I’ll just continue to appreciate our Gazelle intensity – and one day I’ll be able to share the some amazing news!

Car Conversations

2010-07-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

Don’t some of the best conversations you’ve ever had happen in a car?

I love talking in the car – it’s a great place to “be in the moment” for who ever is in the car with me. I have found that my car has become the site of some of the most interesting conversations over the last few years. These car conversations really got interesting when Dad and I took “road trips” in college. Each year of college (and a few years after) we would take off, destination unknown and just drive. One year it was San Diego, one year Las Vegas, one year Hollywood…then there was the year we couldn’t get home! I remember driving through Death Valley in Dad’s brand new red Volvo convertible and seeing how fast we could go! Finding random sushi places and wandering the Western US…it was fun! It was during those car conversations that we really started to change our relationship – from the kid/adult to adult/adult. Those road trips are where I really learned to cherish car conversations.

Today, I still crave that conversation, with whoever is in the car. The last few weeks, Dan and I have been in the car quite a bit, and I think I’ve figured out that the thing that I love about the “car conversation” is how everyone feels so free to talk about whatever is on their mind. Some people will ask questions that leave me scratching my head trying to figure out what they mean. Sometimes they will make comments that make me laugh and cry all at the same time. Some of the most meaningful conversations have happened in the car, and these days I just appreciate sincerity and meaning. It’s in the car I have had conversations about joy of love, and sadness of loss. It’s in the car I’ve witnessed to someone in a desperate moment in their life. It’s in the car where I get to be silly and sing off key with friends and family. It’s where Dan and I talk about our plans for life. It’s where we talk about our dreams for a family and our hopes to travel with them camping and sightseeing. I can only imagine the conversations we'll have as parents.

Just today my car became the site of a beautiful conversation as the volunteer group I lead at work drove to visit a needy family our volunteer group adopted and raised money for. It’s in the car ride back to work we talked about how thankful we are for the blessing’s God’s given us. It got us to talking about society and how it seems like many people are saying, “life is hard.” I had been thinking a lot about life being hard lately, and so I shared with the ladies that to me, “life is hard” all depends on your perspective. To me, the beauty of perspective is that it can be changed. Life isn’t hard. It just is. We are the ones who give meaning to life’s events, and we have the power to change that meaning. Easy to say, right?
Think about it: Most of us have known or heard of people who live in the most challenging circumstances with few comforts, yet who are happy and at peace. At the same time, we also know people who live in luxury and seem to have every imaginable advantage, and who are COMPLETELY miserable. The difference lies in how they view life and their circumstances. Someone who is going through hard times may have the opportunity to appreciate the few blessings, and find joy in being alive, by enjoying the beauty of nature and other simple pleasures. Think about the person who has everything. They may still feel deprived but the difference is that they will never have enough because nothing outside of them can change their feelings.

Change can only come from within!

Lately, Dan and I have had more than a couple challenges come our way. We are sometimes challenged by the wait for a birthmother to choose us – but know everything happens in the perfect time, and when we are matched, we won’t remember the wait. We are challenged by Dad’s cancer diagnosis and his chemo treatment taking place 2 hours away in his hometown, there isn’t much I can do from our home but wait, pray, wish them the best, and visit on weekends. The chemo has been taking a huge toll on Dad, but I am so proud of him for enduring such a huge task, especially one that makes you sick, ruins your day, and makes you only want to sleep!

But it’s all in how you see it. We’re so blessed! I am so blessed to be surrounded by love and laughter – lots of it, and that’s how I am choosing to see our life. Through eyes of love.

Having a sense of Humor: Some call it the "adoption pregnancy."

2010-07-21T11:57:00.001-07:00

Waiting to adopt.

It’s that anxious time between starting the paperwork to be approved by the state as a parent, and meeting the expectant parents who choose you to bring a legally adopted child into your home. That’s where we’re at – some people have referred to this time as the “adoption pregnancy.” Secretly I was hoping our match would find us within a year – now I have to have a sense of humor – as our wait has grown longer, I’ve found myself “googling”. Did you know that a whale is pregnant for 16 months, and an elephant for 22? When we do get matched we will have been “paper pregnant” for the same length of time!

Looking forward towards our dream of a family through adoption has me waiting in anxious anticipation and eager to start our family. In several ways, waiting for an adoption is very much like pregnancy. I pray and hope the baby is healthy. I wonder how our lives are going to change. We’ve filled a room with toys and small clothes. I think about all the things that might go wrong on the journey but dream about all the things that could be wonderful.

But waiting to adopt often has additional tensions and stressors: We have put control of our family’s desires into the hands of strangers. We have no idea when this huge life-change is going to happen, or if it will succeed at all. On top of all the normal apprehensions of becoming a parent to a new child, sometimes being the constant educator about others’ adoption-related questions can add more insecurity to our wait.

I have found our wait to adopt to be emotional but hopeful. At time when there seemed to be no direction – it has been terribly difficult. I have used those difficult times during our wait to draw near to God. What I’ve found that even though timing is uncertain for us right now, he’s teaching me what is means to wait for HIM. He’s using this “adoption pregnancy” to grow our hearts for him.

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27:13-14)

As we travel on our adoption journey, we still try to answer people's questions in a way that will educate them about adoption. Below are just some of the comments I’ve been asked in the last few weeks:

· Don’t you know that becoming a parent means your life will change forever? Don’t you care about your career?

That's why I'm doing this. I WANT my life to change. I enjoy work, but I know I am meant to be a parent. Isn't it great that life is full of so many options?!

· I just saw a show on 20/20 (or other TV news show)... All those stories about adoption...bad news...be careful. How will you know what you will face?

Yes, I saw that show, too. I've tried to educate myself about open adoption as much as possible. Hopefully, I'm prepared, and I hope you'll support us and our child along with any strengths and challenges.

· What if you don't like your situation? Doesn't this scare you?

Oddly, this is not even a little bit of a worry. I can't explain it, but I already know that child and our family are meant to be together. Many people talk about the God factor of adoption; this is one of those examples!

Waiting is tough!

2010-07-16T14:42:00.000-07:00

You see, when we started this adopting process something happened to me. I imagined our child, and now that image lives in my heart – it’s as real to me as if I was carrying a child myself. So many don’t understand how it feels to love someone you don’t know so much that you don’t know – and I wish I could share what that feels like. I am hopeful that we will be matched with an expectant mom eventually – and we’ve been proactive and sought the help of a facilitator in ADDITION to the outreach of our agency to continue to search.

Consequently, I realize I have spent the last year and a half of my life waiting for the “call”. In the process of waiting for the CALL, I slowly painted myself into the corner of a box.

In the process of my waiting I found that I had bought into several faulty notions. These notions have convinced me that only a “call” could lead me from the corner of my box. Since our call hasn’t yet come it has led me to falsely believe that no one wanted the love I have to give. I know this is not true! As life has shown me through a recent series of events I woke up to the reality that I was wasting my time by being anxious as I waited for the call. I now realize I have been keeping myself in the corner of the box, and that I can move outside of that box. With this recent awareness, I made several decisions. I made the decision to move beyond the confines of my box. I made the decision to value my mission as a wife and my vision of a family. The day will come when I will gain the title of “Mom” and while I am pursue my passion of being a Mom by I will use my gifts, talents and abilities for whatever the Lord intends them to be used. If its being an ambassador for adoption great! If it means we wait a longer and it brings us an expectant mom that is a perfect fit for Dan and I – then that is what is meant to be.

Vegas baby!

2010-07-12T15:59:00.001-07:00

So we returned from our mini-vacation yesterday. It was nice! I’m so glad everyone talked me out of canceling it (thanks Dan & Mom and Dad!) After returning 3 nights are definitely enough time to spend in Vegas! This was the first time we’ve done the trip without a vehicle. We stayed off the strip at the Hilton and it was so nice! We used the monorail to get up and down the strip, and took advantage of every bit of free transportation we could! On Saturday afternoon, we spent hours by the pool reading. Besides Dan burning his feet in the quest for libations, it was heavenly!

Our little mini-vacation continues to remind me how much my husband is perfect for me. Who else would trapeze all over town looking for that one slot machine that was going to “hit” for us! Or listen to me complain about how hot and humid it is? Or just hold my hand and tell me I’m beautiful? These are some of the things that endear him to me!

However fun vacations are, its always good to be home!

Fundraiser Success! (and was on TV!!)

2010-07-06T09:25:00.000-07:00

So our garage sale fundraiser was a HUGE success!

I wish I had taken pictures to show you our HUGE yard sale...but fortunately there is something better – video!

We were on Good Day Sacramento on Saturday Morning!

We held the garage sale at our home, but Dan & I organized the neighborhood to have 8 garage sales at the same time to bring in more traffic! It was an AMAZING success. We had been receiving donations from friends and family for 3 weeks, and both our 1 car and our 2 car garages were full! Dan worked tirelessly on Friday to sort everything, and pick up the last of the donations with his truck. After 12 long hours of prep by Dan, and many nights gathering the items to sell, we opened for business at 6:30 AM! We had so much stuff to sell! Furniture, tons of baby and kids stuff, household items, books, clothes, just about anything you would want.

I didn’t expect to be interviewed as this station previews garage sales every Saturday morning. The reporter saw our signs and decided on the spot I needed to speak, so I didn’t have a chance to think about what I was going to say before the camera and mike was in front of me. (I was so nervous – I normally don’t stutter!) We had business cards made a few weeks prior, so when we found someone asking about adoption we gave them a card. Lots of people had questions about our adoption and were very encouraging! Excited to see what doors are opened by it!

In the end, all the hard work was worth it! We raised a total of $800 (plus we have a few more items to sell on craigslist and hope to break $1000)!

A HUGE thank you to:

All our friends who donated items to the sale. Without you we wouldn't have been nearly as successful! THANK YOU for allowing us to make one persons’ junk another mans treasure: Karen & Gene, Micki & Sal, Bea & Paul, Janelle & Ira, Bob & Mary, Cass & Janet, Ed & Mollie, Ron & Kathy, Matt & Laura, Debra & Frank, Marilee & Curt, Chris, Jenny & Keith, Shelly & Tom, Karen & Rex, Aimee, and Char!
Jo & Pedro for letting us borrow tables.
My dear husband who in 102 degree weather prepared us for the sale by sorting all the donations!
Our sweet friends Johanna and Mike for your time, vehicles, and enthusiasm!
CW31 for making it even a better success than I imagined!

My favorite moments from the sale:

1. the sweet lady who bought a scrapbook from us. I asked her for $.50, she said "oh no that is not enough!" and gave us $3. She then said that she would pray for us and hope we were picked soon!

2. Jo’s husband, Pedro, who stopped by to bring us drinks from Sonic...Sweet tea and lemonade never tasted better...wow did we appreciate those!

3. The kind women who bought an item for 50¢ and paid with a $20 and told us to keep the change!

There were lots more than that...but my brain and body are still running on empty!

A belated Father's day post: Things my Dad has taught me...

2010-06-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

So my Dad’s tests came back, and the news wasn’t so great.

He has cancer, specifically Adenocarcinoma of the stomach. My Mum and Dad have been plunged into a world in which nothing makes sense, in which something has happened to them that goes against everything they ever believed would ever happen to us. As one of their kids, I’m am respecting their privacy and trying to give them quiet time alone to listen to their heart and head.

I’ve offered to take over the calls out to family to “explain” each update. I keep asking them, “What would be most helpful to you?” I tell my Mom and Dad (when he’s awake) its ok to get angry, and it’s ok to be sad – that she’s going to feel all kind of different things at different times, and however they feel, it’s ok. I am respecting their desire to keep a few things from their kids, until they have a plan. Like most of us, I have an idealistic view of parents…I think of them as kind of super heroes and when one gets sick – the reality that they are mere mortals becomes so real. I don’t care what anyone says – you can’t ever imagine it happening to your family.

So thinking about my Dad, and the fight he’ll have ahead, I have been inspired to put together list of just a few of the things Dad is teaching me about life:

- When you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.

- To be supportive, generous, and unconditionally loving in any relationship – but especially to his children.

- To admit my mistakes, and learn from them – which is why family and friends go to him for advice.

- Never to be embarrassed about lack of money, because you can still make good choices.

- To value people on character, not on what they own.

- The importance of honesty, integrity, hard work, and responsibility.

- Its not the challenge that you are given in life that is important, its your decision on how you are going to cope.

- Not to let your past dictate your future.

- To love an accept people for who and what they are, not what you want them to be.

I love you, Dad, and am both proud and thankful you are MY Dad.

I can’t wait for you to be a Grandpa!

Crazy days.

2010-06-18T15:50:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had those days that are just nuts? Today’s one of those days for me. Dad’s out of his procedure!

Awake...

2010-06-18T02:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just can’t sleep. Right now, I find myself thinking of my Dad’s. You see, both Dad’s have been sick over the last few weeks – these two men hardly ever get sick, so its quite a challenge when it all happens at once.

My Dad is having a procedure this morning to fix some damage done to his stomach by a medication he was prescribed for his knee. He’s lost a lot of blood, and he’s actually right on the borderline of needing a transfusion. He goes in at 8:40 am this morning, and we should know if he needs to have a second procedure, or if they can fix it all in one. The horrible part is that he hasn’t been able to eat for several weeks, and the side effect of the medication he’s on to keep him from losing more blood makes him very tired and nauseous. So when Dan & I took a trip my folks to celebrate Ian’s birthday, Dad looked plain awful. He sounds worse over the phone! Dad doesn’t want us there, so Mum’s going to call us when it’s all over tomorrow. I just hope that it can help resolve the issue for him. I can’t help but worry – my Dad is a rock to our family, and when he’s sick, we all worry. I’m praying for the surgeon’s steady hands and sharp mind today. We’re supposed to visit for Father’s day on Sunday, but at this point he doesn’t want much company. I’m trying to change his mind.

Then Dan’s Dad has had some re-occurring pain that he thought was related to the surgery he had to repair a Aortic Abdominal Aneurism 3 years ago. After seeing a vascular surgeon earlier this week, it was NOT another AAA (THANK GOODNESS). He’s been referred on to another specialist to figure out what’s causing him pain, but in the meantime he’s pretty miserable. Mom didn’t want to leave him alone, so she didn’t really leave the house for a week unless someone was there with Paul. Consequently, they are both bored and worried. Mom still wants to have the dinner she had wanted, so on Saturday, we’re celebrating Father’s Day, Adam’s Birthday, and Micki’s Birthday at their house. Just the 13 of us and our 5 dogs over for a BBQ – I think I just have to bring a dessert!

Well, writing my worries out has me ready to try to go back to sleep. Ciao!

Did you know?

2010-06-17T15:38:00.001-07:00

That you can make a book out of your blogs? Who knew? There is this company who for about $50 will create a book from your writings, complete with an index. I just tested it with my blog (which I’ve been keeping since 2002), and it was $62 for EVERYTHING. You can narrow it down by a time frame which is a nice feature. Also it allows you to delete posts – so the book can be focused.

So, in the spirit of living in the moment, I’ve been thinking about this company’s service and developed a “plan”. It’s my plan/hope that when we finally are matched with an expectant mother, I’d like to use this service to print out a book for our child to read when they are ready. I want them to know how much we loved them even before they were born. I want them to see how we began our relationship with their mother. I want them to know that even though we didn’t carry them in our body, we loved them. I want them to know how much their first mother loves them, and how we plan to keep in touch with her.

Am I crazy, no…just hopeful that I can create a life book for our future child that is meaningful and full of love. That’s living in my moment for today!

Living in the moment...

2010-06-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

"FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU," DECLARES THE LORD, "PLANS TO PROSPER YOU AND NOT TO HARM YOU, PLANS TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A FUTURE." JEREMIAH 29:11

Over the past months I've been realizing to an ever greater extent that blogging is about making connections. Connections of all sorts. It always amazes me when you receive encouragement from a surprising source – especially one you’ve never met!

I received this note from Patricia today, a reader from Oklahoma:

Yesterday I was out all day, from dawn to dusk as it were, just catching up on life and ended up visiting a curiously decorated church. I picked this poem up, and felt the need to share with you:

Chosen Vessel

The Master was searching for a vessel to use; on the shelf there were many-which one would He choose? "Take me," cried the gold one, "I'm shiny and bright. I'm of great value and I do things just right, My beauty and luster will outshine the rest and for someone like You, Master, gold would be best!"

The Master passed on with no word at all; He looked as a silver urn, narrow and tall; "I'll serve You, dear Master, I'll pour out Your wine and I'll be at Your table whenever You dine, My lines are so graceful, my carvings so true, And my silver will always compliment You."

Unheeding the Master passed on to the brass, it was wide mouthed and shallow, and polished like glass. "Here! Here!" cried the vessel, "I know I will do, Place me on Your table for all men to view."

"Look at me," called the goblet of crystal so clear, "My transparency shows my contents so dear, though fragile am I, I will serve You with pride, and I'm sure I'll be happy in Your house to abide."

The Master came next to a vessel of wood, polished and carved, it solidly stood. "You may use me, dear Master," the wooden bowl said, "But I'd rather You used me for fruit, not for bread!"

Then the Master looked down and saw a vessel of clay, Empty and broken it helplessly lay. No hope had the vessel that the Master might choose, to cleanse and make whole to fill and to use. "Ah! This is the vessel I've been hoping to find, I will mend and use it and make it all Mine."

"I need not the vessel with pride of its self; Nor the one who is narrow to sit on the shelf; Nor one who is big mouthed and shallow and loud; nor one who displays his contents so proud; Not the one who thinks he can do all things just right; But this plain earthly vessel filled with My power and might."

Then gently He lifted the vessel of clay. Mended and cleansed it and filled it that day. Spoke to it kindly, "There's work you must do, Just pour out to others as I pour into you."

Mrs. B.V Cornwall

It’s so nice to be reminded that although the waiting is tough, its not our purpose on this earth right now. Thank you for sharing that message with me!

So while I am definitely disappointed that we haven't met the expectant mom that's ready to choose adoption, I am still quite aware that God has a plan for us, even when that plan is not exactly what we were expecting.

So now I am just resting in the knowledge that HIS knowledge is better than ours. And even though I still allow myself to get excited when the phone rings, and get to thinking about a Maybe Baby, I am glad I do. Living in the moment is important to me, and I hope that when I reflect on this time, I'll remember it was fun and exciting. I hope I can be just excited about for our "match", even knowing how quickly emotions can change. The two ladies who have contacted us so far have been wonderful, and will make great parents themselves.

So thanks for all the prayers. Even though our wait hasn't gone on our time frame, or as quickly as we hoped, I know the Lord answered prayers. He allowed those families to figure it out NOW that they did not want to go through with this instead of waiting until the last-minute and figuring it out then. Now THAT would have been so much harder.
Thanks for always being there, through the good news and also the not-so-good news! It helps so much having the support of all of you and also my family and friends!

Does anyone else?

2010-06-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

Think the gadgets given to fans at the world cup sound like swarming bees? I do!

An Adoption fairytale?

2010-06-11T13:48:00.000-07:00

Adoption is so different these days and sometimes as Dan and I are navigating though this journey towards adoption, I feel a bit overwhelmed, sometimes even lost. There are stories in the news of how differently people are connecting with expectant parents who are considering adoption for their child. The latest of these stories was highlighted on the Today show last month. This couple was highlighted with their use of Facebook to facilitate an adoption. You can read about it here: Facebook Adoption Fairytale

It really got me to thinking about technology, and how its really changed the face of adoption. You see, I’m a research hound, and since then, I have spent my evenings gathering information about different resources. Dan and I have to discuss some of these and figure out if we are getting word to the right people to let them know we are ready to adopt by keeping our status quo, or should we change things around?

Last night, when we were at our monthly waiting adoptive families group, everyone had a really good discussion about resources. I mentioned all of the investigation I had been doing, and they asked me to share with the whole group. It got me to thinking, if it is useful to them, it may be useful to some of my online readers! If you use any of these links, you’ll have to investigate for yourself to figure out if they have changed or updated prices, and to figure out if any of these ideas are right for you. So, hope you can use some of this research I’ve done during our 16 month wait so far.

Dan and I will be talking about this next, if we should keep the status quo with our outreach, or hire a facilitator, or do something different! Or maybe its just about patience – because the perfect expectant mom and child are out there waiting to find us.

Adoption Fundraising:

This was the list I shared on my blog when I first began researching fundraising options. Since then, I’ve found a few more resources for grants and fundraising ideas. We’ve found 2 other grants not listed on that link:

Fundraising for Adoption Post (A list from when I started researching)
helpusadopt.org
Show Hope Ministries
Garage Sale Fundraiser (our example)

Adoption Advertising:

We have chosen not to do any of these resources, but we’re talking about it. We still feel strongly that our child will find us, and the profile being listed on adoptionconnection.com may be enough to do that. If you’re looking for other places to post your adoption profile online here’s the info I have gathered.

adoptionopen.com Waiting Family Fee Chart (3 month link $80, 6 month $150, and 1 year link $270. One year link comes with 1 year free on www.adoptingababy.org.
adoptingababy.org 2 types of links available “Featured Families” and “Prospective Adoptive Families.” You have to have your own website, be home study approved and are seeking open adoption in US. (3 month link $50, 6 month link $85, and 1 year link $160)
luv4adoption.com Can create a adoption website ($399) or link to one. Linking to your own website is $200 until you adopt
adopting.com Link to existing websites only. Listings are available for $45 per month or $216 for 6 months (pre-paid)
parentprofiles.com A profile on Parentprofiles.com starts as low as $99.00 per month. All pricing for services and add-on features can be found in the "Package and Add-ons" and "Payment Options" sections of the Profile Builder Website. To access these sections simply create an account by entering your information on the appropriate page of the Web site.
birthmother.com (refers to parentprofiles.com)
crisispregnancy.com (refers to parentprofiles.com)
Deaf or Hard of Hearing group With my background in ASL, I have begun investigating if this is an option for us. This group focuses on kids who are deaf or hard of hearing.

Potential Adoptive/Adoptive family resources:

There are also several resources online for people who are “waiting” or have been “matched” or are fully in the triad and have adopted.

Do’s and Don’ts of creating your own adoption website:

I’ve gathered this information over the last 2 years from friends & family, and other waiting adoptive families. I hope you will find it useful. We’ve used most of these ideas on our own page (http://www.welzonline.com/)

DO Build a web site that loads quickly. If your web site loads slowly it will causes frustration to the visitor and they will move on before your first page ever loads.
DO have clear and concise navigation. Site navigation should be prominent and visible when the browser window opens. Create navigation that is consistently located in the same location with the same link names on every page. Make sure to add a “homepage” link so your visitor can easily get back to your homepage. The best location for navigation is, top left horizontal or top left vertical. Make sure to include a “contact us” link as part of your main navigation.
DON’T have a web site where your visitor has to scroll down or to the right to find the navigation. Poor navigation will leave the visitor frustrated and lost, prompting them to leave your web site early.
DO place your name and phone # at the on every web page. You want your visitor to be able to rest on anyone of your web pages and receive this important information. While surfing your site your visitor may want to stop and give you a call.
DO have a great homepage photo.
DON’T use washed out or distorted photos! A picture speaks a thousand words. ‘Nuff said.
DO have a web site that uses a color scheme that works well with your photos. Stay away from neon or garish colors.
DON’T create a web site that uses banner ads or pop up ads restrict the viewing of your web site and look commercial.
DON’T use a log-in option for your visitor to visit your web site.
DON’T use flash on your homepage (my hubbie’s recommendation). You don’t want anyone to have to leave your site to load the flash player. Also, anything that delays the loading of your site will deter a visitor.
DON’T use music that loops. If you use music make it interactive with the viewer allowing them to turn it on or off easily.

No news...

2010-06-07T09:31:00.000-07:00

There is a popular saying that “No news is good news.”

While I can definitely see how in many different situations that would certainly be a true statement, I can also say with confidence that most often when it comes to adoption, no news is definitely not good news.

When you have put together your family profile for your domestic adoption to be shown to pregnant women who are considering placing their babies for adoption and there is nothing left to do but sit and wait for the phone to ring, no news is definately not good news.

When you are waiting to for someone to tell you that a mom has chosen you to be the family for her baby and the phone doesn’t ring day in and day out, no news is not good news.

When you’ve met with an expectant mom and talks to her for months, then hear nothing from her, no news is not good news.

Right now, no news is frustrating!

I am sure that there are some adoption situations and scenarios when no news would actually be good news, but to me, if we do not have news when you are anxiously waiting for any news, its hard!

For me “the wait” – for something as huge and eventful as a expectant mom choosing adoption and choosing our family of two (and a half with Vinny) is going to take a while. Trusting God while knowing that an expectant mom and child is “out there” in the world is arguably one of the most difficult things possibly to wait for!

Sometimes I think that since we are adopting domestically, the wait for a child is much less predictable than international adoption. The phone can ring at almost any time with news. For Dan and I, that idea is both exciting and challenging. I’ve thought about what to do as we continue to wait and have put together a list. (as I do with everything!)

I think that most of the items on this list can apply in all parts of life, not just adoption. So no matter where you are in life, some of you will likely be a victim of “the wait” at one point or another. Just take the first 3 words and apply them to any situation that you are waiting for.

There are two ways I recommend to handle the “wait” in life:

1.) The first way is the responsible way. (In adoption we call this the “nesting” phase, and I have done several of these items as we are still in “the wait.”)

• You can read your books on adoptive parenting.

• You can prepare your child’s room.

• You can enjoy special time with your spouse.

• You can clean your house from head to toe.

• You can bake and freeze six months worth of casseroles and have meals ready for once your child comes home. (in progress)

2.) The second way to handle the wait is CHOCOLATE. Ice cream is a strong second.

My sweetie!

2010-06-01T17:58:00.000-07:00

My sweet husband has started a blog! Although his blog will be intermixed with sports analogies (that's just who he is!), he really thought some of the husbands out there could use a voice in the adoption journey.

I'm so proud of him. His first couple posts will be introductory, but I thought that you guys might want to check it out!

A Cubs Fan Bleeds Teal

I hope you enjoy his humor as much as I do!

A relaxing weekend & potential adoption update :(

2010-05-23T11:07:00.000-07:00

Dan and I are notorious for being "booked." This past Saturday and Sunday we had nothing! Not a thing! It felt and feels so great! We are breaking out a new crock pot cookbook Dan got for his birthday to make a few meals ahead of time this week. We're hoping it makes things a little easier for us as the work week gets busy.

Its been over a month since my last post...we didn't get chosen by the 16 year old mom, nor do we know who she chose for her baby. We are again patiently waiting. We haven't heard back from "Sam" since the beginning of April, so we're thinking she has decided to parent. We had hoped she would let us know if she made that decision, but she hasn't. Dan and I both think she will be a great mom, and we feel very blessed to have known her, even for only 2 months.

We're back to patiently waiting. We are however going to do a little fundraiser - a garage sale in July. We'd like to be able to offer more towards birth mother expenses than we currently have offered, and we're hoping this will be a successful fundraiser for us.

We are reaching out to our friends and family to donate items by sharing "treasures" they were going to get rid of anyway for the good of the cause. We're hoping others will help us make one person's trash another person's treasure!

We're especially looking for:

1. Clothes (especially children's clothes)
2. Power Tools (saws, drills, sanders)
3. Sporting Equipment (golf clubs, workout equip.)
4. Bicycles (especially ones ready to ride)
5. Electronics (stereos, computers)
6. Toys (not broken)
7. Household Items ( irons, dishes)
8. Furniture (chairs, tables, beds)
9. Books (especially children's books)
10. Gardening Equipment
11. Miscellaneous (wall hangings, quilts, bedding)

If you have something you'd like to donate - or have someone in the Sacramento area that would like to donate towards the sale, please feel free share with whomever you think may have something to donate to our garage sale! (If people you pass it on to want to know more about us -they can read up about us on http://www.welzonline.com/)

Potential Adoption situation, continued...

2010-04-24T17:01:00.000-07:00

So we found out yesterday that we are one of 7 couples being presented to the facilitator. There are two birth mothers, but only one is local. The other mother hadn't given much information about what she was looking for, and her due date was in October, so we decided to ask to be submitted to the local birth mom. We are hopeful, but cautiously so! We should hear in the next few days if we're being considered as for this young couple and their baby.

Patience is key - our baby is out there!

Potential Adoption Situation...

2010-04-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

I need your prayers. Our agency alerted us to a potential adoption situation yesterday. After speaking the co-director of our agency and getting details of the situation, we are definitely interested.

There is just one catch - we need to come up with $16,000. And only have $8,000…

Here's the story in brief - a couple backed out of adopting a baby due in 2 weeks in the east bay today due to a tragedy in the adoptive parent’s life. The birthmother is working with a facilitator who has told us that she’s 16, and both she and her parents are on board, as well as the birth father. According to the facilitator, the baby is healthy.

The co-director we were the first couple to come forward wanting to adopt this baby (assuming we check out and everything works out). She will call us this afternoon, and let us know if we are the only couple they are sending her, or if they are sending another couple. We told her we are extremely interested, and the only thing holding us back was trying to come up with the money in 10 days!

We'd have to have the money when we picked up the baby – roughly 10 days if the birthparents & their families choose us (But even if a bank was willing to give us a loan (which I still think is a long shot in this economy), it would take a while, probably too long. So that's not an option.

I'm not sure what we're going to do at this point, but I feel at peace about it. We're going to pray that somehow the money comes together miraculously, and if not, then the baby was meant for someone else and we'll continue to wait.

I'd appreciate your prayers for all involved.

Still talking....

2010-03-30T20:26:00.001-07:00

So we were kind of worried the last few weeks. She didn't text or email, so we were concerned that she didn't like us an changed her mind. Fortunately for us, she reached out to let us know her texting was not working on her phone and she still very much wanted to talk to us. She is local, so I am hoping we will be able to spend time with her and get to know her. I would be so grateful for that, so we can tell our baby all about her. If she chooses us, it will be an open adoption, with pictures, phone calls, letters and some visits too. We want whatever is best for the baby!

She had her 20 week ultrasound early (she's at 17 weeks) and she let us know that she and the baby are healthy. She also told us - it's a BOY!!! She said he wasn't shy, and although there's no "guarantees" he was 99.9% sure it was a boy.

It's exciting but also a little scary - but we feel really good about this and sense this is going to happen. He is due early September!

It's such an odd feeling, that there was this young woman who was a stranger and is now one of the most important people in our lives! We have a new found love and affection for her and want the best for her too. We are eternally grateful to her and have such respect for her strength for all she's been through and to come to this decision to choose adoption and hope that she chooses us to parent her child.

We appreciate all the love and support we have received from everyone. How wonderful next holiday season we may be enjoying them with a baby! Wow!! It's still so surreal and hard to believe. But I do believe. I believe!

Health care reform???

2010-03-24T15:11:00.000-07:00

Typically, I keep this blog non-political….but after the events in Washington this week. I will digress…and give my own take on what I’ve read in the health care bill.

So what has HR 3690 brought to the US? There is honestly only one answer to this question that is honest: Nobody knows.

I am serious! No human being knows – no one can know – what provisions the bill’s more than 2,000 pages contain!

I have read nearly 400 pages of this massive bill, and I still have a ton of uncertainties about:

1.) how the courts will interpret the law’s provisions

2.) how regulatory agencies will incorporate the statue with new regulations

3.) the precise way each provision will be implemented

4.) how, when and what amounts funds will be made available for actions outlined in the bill

5.) how conflicts between state statues and this federal statues are resolved without being unconstitutional (remember that silly amendment about state’s rights?

I am sure that for the next coming months, we all will discover little provisions tucked into the bill, each of which provides some sort of privilege, protection, subsidy, or other benefit to a particular firm, industry, profession, or other beneficiary. Anyone who has ever toiled through the pages of statutes of comparable length and complexity knows that each is filled with special-interest provisions.

We also know that this statute will not be the end of the story of health-care politics in this country. It is, for the current phase, only the end of the beginning. The ink will scarcely be dry in the revised U.S. Code when political factions will undertake to alter or to overturn the provisions just enacted. It’s a long way from over…I encourage you to open your eyes and ears, learn as much as you can. Why, this is your government – and we need to be able to be proud of what it stands for again.

The meeting...

2010-03-17T14:11:00.000-07:00

I want to say so much (which I know I usually do) but this time it's hard to put it into words. I'm so full of emotions. Having the chance to meet with a potential birth mom was intense, lovely, sweet, sad, hopeful, amazing, and a whole list of other descriptive words that I can't seem to find right now. She was just so…very real. Right there in front of us. In her body a baby – she kept touching her belly during the meeting and it was so surreal. Dan & I felt the best thing to do would just try to keep it light for the first meeting. Make it more about getting to know each other and not focus on the baby and try to sell her on what amazing parents we would be. Now in retrospect, I wonder if that was the right thing to do.

We had no guidelines of the dos and don’ts for this kind of situation. We just winged it. We were told by our agency to let her lead the conversation. She didn’t bring anyone with her for support, so she alone asked most of the questions. They were just great questions and she was so helpful and open and just delightful. She’s been really quiet since we met – and I worry all the information we provided to her is overwhelming her right now.

Can’t help but wonder, did we say too much? Too little? I know all we could do was be ourselves but it's hard not to keep re-thinking it all and replaying all that was said and wonder if I should have something different or more or less. The result as of right now, she is texting us, and doesn’t think she’ll make any decision until June. I just can't help thinking of her. No matter what happens, I want her to be happy and do well in life. She was so sweet and talk about vulnerable. Please! I have nothing to complain about. Our life is so good. She has to make the most difficult decision of her life. I totally respect that and she should take all the time she needs. It's important that everyone feel 100% about everything.

So, we wait. We're in a holding pattern.

Hope, faith? Dream...

2010-03-08T11:51:00.000-08:00

I'm sure you've heard the expression, "Don't get your hopes up." or, "Have faith." Or, "You have to have hope." Well, which is it? It's all of those things when waiting to be matched and chosen by a birth mother for adoption.

We always have faith the right situation will come to us at the right time. We are in the middle of a delicate situation and it’s so emotional. I believe Dan & I handle it all pretty well. We’ve been emailing, texting, and talking on the phone to a young lady for about 2 weeks. I haven’t let myself get too emotional yet, but I find myself really getting attached to this young lady. I wish for it to happen and to not have to wait anymore and this situation may be the one. She is committed to the adoption plan, but it does not mean that she cannot change her mind and parent. She’s been thinking about it and she still wants to go down this path of adoption. She feels like she’d like to meet us as potential parents for her baby, so we will have the amazing opportunity to meet with a birth mom! I am already beside myself!! Talk about overwhelmed!!! So, I try to stay in each moment, breath and allow myself to feel whatever I need and just enjoy life. I do know we will be parents. This is my hope, my wish, my dream. I know it will come true.

So the big news is that we are meeting with a birthmother Friday night!! We are meeting with a birthmother Friday night!!! I have to say it twice because I still can't believe it myself. So, we are finally at this point. I have to remind myself before we head off to this first meeting that she is not under any obligation to place with us just because she has met with us. This is all about what’s best for that baby, and if we are best suited for that precious little one.

I am so excited to meet this young lady and let her know how much respect I have for her. I just hope I don't do anything silly or stupid! :) Dan & I are nervous, sure, but actually feeling good and know all we can do is just be ourselves and be in the moment, listen to her, and answer any question she may have. Letting her know how much we care about her and how we will love her baby more than anything else. We want to get to know each her and see if there is a connection and if we are a match! I sure hope so. I really do. Wow! All is well. Here we go!

Timing....

2010-02-28T14:11:00.000-08:00

So, I finally am recovering from being sick earlier this month. I ended up with pneumonia and its taken a long time to even feel normal again. I had to take a long break from everything including work. It always burns me when I have to take my PTO time for actually being SICK! Oh well, such is life.

On the adoption front, there's been a little excitement. We've had a expectant mother reach out to us via email. We're trying not to get too excited. We're still just emailing her and she's early in her pregnancy so caution is key. Its exciting and scary all at the same time.

A whole lot of faith is central to this experience - if this doesn't work out, it was never meant to be!

So sick...

2010-02-06T18:02:00.000-08:00

I've been really sick, so I haven't posted in a while. I'm still at home resting! A few quick updates - our agency ran out of the first 20 profiles we sent them. Today was spent printing, cutting, and folding more profiles to mail to them. I suppose its a good thing that they need more! We've updated our profile - and are using less words and more pictures.

http://www.adoptionconnection.org/parent_profile_detail.asp?letterId=444

This is a link to the word changes we made, but it will be a few days before I can post the hard copy.

Anywho...I'm already worn out, so I'm going to keep this brief. Go Saints!

Re-center and FOCUS!

2010-01-14T14:36:00.001-08:00

This weekend, I want to clean the house from top to bottom, work in the garden, and possibly have dinner on the table before Dan gets home (he’s away on Saturday).

I feel such a draw to re-center my life right now. I have been for the last 6 months, trying really hard to say no to any new outside activities that come my way. Being a good employee, Working on house projects, being on the finance council at church, working as a team member for Engaged Encounter, and trying to, at the same time, focused on my role as a wife is overwhelming right now!

I've realized that I've been filling the void I feel (from a lack of being a mother) with outside activities along with everything else I have going on. While all of these activities have been worthwhile and for good causes, I have felt unfulfilled some of them. One of these "other things" in particular has made me feel stressed out and burned out.

I love when I am at home (or in Roseville somewhere) and that is where I plan on spending my time from now on. I plan on slowing down and not committing to any new activities- I can do this! I'm also going to get back into the routine of daily prayer. I got out of that routine and I need to give my prayer life some attention! I'm excited to start again and re-center and FOCUS my life.

Woot, Woot, a new job!

2010-01-07T08:43:00.001-08:00

I’ve been sitting on this news for a few days now, and I’m so excited that I can finally scream it from the proverbial rooftops:

Dan will be working for the disabled student services department as an Instructional Counselor at Sac City College starting Jan 19^th! FULL TIME!

Readers of this blog will know that I’ve been a big fan and supporter Dan Brown’s “40 Days to The Work You Love” book. Dan read this book a year ago and expressed his love for helping the disabled. He was lucky to land a position part time in August working as an Assistive media consultant at Folsom City College. The last year has been focused on finding a good opportunity for him, and the last 6 months gave him a opportunity to hear about positions in that industry. This position will be a blessing for Dan, especially as he has to reduce his volunteer commitments and networks he’s established over the last year - but as you know he does like a challenge. He is so excited!

I’m very excited for him to be starting the new year in a new job!!

Dear 2010...

2010-01-03T15:46:00.000-08:00

Another blogger inspired me to use this format, so here goes..

My dear 2010,

Hi there, how are you? Just a few days old and we have yet to be introduced! It important to get these formalities out of the way before I let you know what I expect from you. Your friend, 2009, left a lasting impression. 2009 was a amazing year but a tough year. 2009 was a time of waiting, waiting for to find the right agency, waiting for home study approval, and finally waiting for a birth mother to find us.

I've never been one to sugar coat anything, 2010. So here goes...I'm tired of waiting.

I'm trying not to freak out about turning 32 in a few weeks. 2010, I want to be a Mom! More than anything, I want Dan to be a dad. He's been such an angel, and he's been so patient. He deserves to be a Dad, please don't make him wait much longer.

2010, I hope that you are an amazing year. There are so many of us who are waiting, or starting a new journey, or ready to begin anew in a different part of the world. Please be kind. Please be gentle. Please let all of us waiting to know that it will come when it is supposed to.

I promise to try to focus my energies on things that I enjoy doing, not just feel obligated to do. My blessings are numerous: a wonderful husband, a rewarding career, a lovely home, supportive friends and a wonderful family. Please let me enjoy those blessings this year. Also, 2010, know that there's a plan for you. I trust God's plan for me will have some major joy in 2010.

2010 I am excited to meet you. I am so hopeful for the possibilities that I will encounter in this new decade. The first 10 years of the 2000's were pretty crazy! I don't know how you're going to top graduation from college, meeting Dan, moving to Roseville, buying a house and getting married!

So 2010, I'm sure that we'll talk soon.

Love,

Lanie

Christmas 2009

2009-12-28T18:08:00.000-08:00

Dan and I have been recovering from our journey to spend time with both our families at Christmas. Ever since we were married, we have split holiday's the same way. Whichever side of the family gets Thanksgiving they get Christmas Eve, the other gets Christmas. This year my folks had Thankgiving, so we went to Hughson on the 23rd to spend time with family. We had a GREAT visit!

This is my brother opening the handmade stools my Dad built for each of us this year. I've really come to look forward to whatever handmade item he has made for us this year. The present from my folks are never expensive, but they are filled with thought. They also put together a cookbook of all the families recipes as a gift to Ian, Dan and I. Even though it was a quick visit it was relaxed, which is always nice.

It at least felt like Christmas while we were there, since it sure doesn't feel like it at our house. This is the first year in my whole entire life that I didn't put up a Christmas tree. Dan bought one, and tried to get me in the spirit, but I wasn't having it. He put up lights outside so our neighbors wouldn't get mad. I guess both of us have just been complacent about our wait for parenthood that neither of us have the energy to go through the motions. It was the first time in our marriage, that Dan didn't want to pull everything out for Christmas. I feel bad - like I am really dragging him down, but he assures me it didn't take much persuasion.... It should have bothered me not to get into fullness of the season, but it felt so good not to!

We left after dinner on Christmas Eve and were on the road for Midnight Mass (really at 10:30). Some really strange things happened at that Mass, and although these strange happenings didn't take away the joy of the celebration for me - it was odd.

There were hecklers! Before mass began a new family was in the pew ahead of us, and the infant carrier slipped off the pew. These brand new parents were mortified, but quick reflexes caught the carrier and infant before it fell to the floor. Then a group of visitors started making fun of the new father! Dan and I were both upset by this - where was their compassion? If only that was it! During mass itself, we noticed that Father had an echo. While its not uncommon for people to read along with the priest, its a little unusual to do so speaking loudly. The same gentleman that was echoing the priest decided to get disrespectful as the mass continued. We did our best to ignore his interference and focused on the miracle of the mass, and the joy in the readings about Christ's birth.

Its taken us years to realize the Christmas masses aren't for the regular parishioners. Its a single opportunity to welcome back those who don't go to church. Its a time for celebration, salvation and reconciliation. Christmas is a time of coming together, sometimes is the only opportunity for families get together. Sometimes when families get together during the holidays there is a lot of brokenness, dysfunction, hurt and heartache. That's why visitors are the most important on Christmas. They need to hear the message of reconciliation, salvation, and celebration because it is so important. Its important for them to be at peace with God and with each other.
Christmas day was a ton of fun as well...we had a wonderful time with Dan's family. Vinny got his first Snuggie and so did I! Dinner was wonderful, and we spent a nice evening catching up with family we hadn't seen in a while.

Right now, Dan and I are enjoying some much needed time off. Its WONDERFUL!

Sound of Music

2009-12-27T23:11:00.001-08:00

So, last year was the first year I had seen "The Sound of Music." Now I have seen it again, I can truely say that it will rank among my "Favorite things!" The movie has almost everything: music, romance, kids, spectacular scenery, religion, sentiment, and, at the end, intrigue and adventure.

Beautiful!

Reflection on our 5th Anniversary Weekend...

2009-12-11T13:24:00.000-08:00

Tahoe was very fun! We had a wonderful time, even though we were stranded an extra day in the mountains by weather. It was just nice to get away for a few days.

I TOTALLY recommend The Ridge at Tahoe! Its at the top of the Kingbury Grade (about 5 miles away from the "strip") and what it lacks in proximity to the down town, it adds in ambiance. The picture you see below is from our 9th floor window. It sits immediately next to one of the "back" lifts for Heavenly, and has such beautiful views. They have a shuttle that takes you down to the Lakefront casinos every hour, and a spa on site if you just don't want to go anywhere. Here's the beauty for those with children. Child care (in the form of a day camp) is provided for up to 3 hours a day. That's included in the cost of a room!!!

This facility is normally all timeshare - but when they have a low census on their bookings, they add their facility to "Travel Zoo." Dan and I stayed in a nice room with a fire place, fridge, and in room jacuzzi for $43 per night. It was $90 total with all the extras - tax, ect. We booked in November, but they mentioned these types of deals were available whenever they had room!

Although Dan is always taking care of me (He's such a good husband!), he arranged for an extra special weekend - even booking massage treatments on Saturday for both of us. We walked by the lake and explored. I think there may have even been a nap! We had a relaxed day. After mass on Saturday night - which was very entertaining, we went for Sushi for dinner at "Off the Hook" using our restaurant.com certificates from my frequent flyer miles. It was a nice place, but definitely no Mukuni's! That night as we were wandering around we decided to see a movie. If you haven't had a chance to see "The Blind Side" its TOTALLY worth the price of admission.

The only downside of the entire weekend was the static electricity. I can't even count the number of times we were shocked! We did everything we could to try to prevent this, but it just must have been in the air.

Our journey home was a bit of a challenge - we were in whiteout conditions nearly the entire way. We worked as a team to keep each other alert, and to make sure the cars that were spinning across the roadway did not hit us. After spending 5 hours trying to get home on Sunday we ended up in Reno on Sunday night when I80 closed, and it took nearly 7 hours to make it home on Monday. We made the best of it, and had a picnic in our hotel room in Reno, with some cheese and crackers and nuts. The picture below gives you a glimpse of what the driving was like! Dan was a total sweetheart and took care of all the driving this past weekend, even the weather turned and became treacherous .

All in all, I would have to say that it was a wonderful weekend. We are even thinking the picture of us by the lake would be a nice change of the main picture on our adoption profile. Although we are freezing, I really like the picture. I've emailed a copy to our social worker to see if she feels the same.

I am so lucky to have found the man of my dreams, and I feel so blessed that I have had the opportunity to spend the last 5 years as his wife and his best friend. He's my dream come true - and I hope each of you are as lucky as I am!

Today makes 5!

2009-12-04T14:19:00.000-08:00

Today marks Dan and my 5^th wedding anniversary!

Yes, it’s hard to believe that 5 years ago today we stood in front of family, friends, and God and promised to love each other forever! Now, 5 years later so much has changed and yet so much remains the same. We’ve learned to balance the times when we are complete opposites; especially when he's spontaneous and laid back, and I'm a high stress type A planner.... but we balance each other out perfectly!

I would have never imagined it was possible to love Dan even more than I did on our wedding day – I thought my heart couldn’t contain as much love as it did on that day!! He is my rock, my constant support, and the best friend anyone could ever ask for. The time has flown by and I am thankful for every second. We’ve had a ton of ups and downs. The laughs and tears. We’ve had joy and challenge. But as hard as things get sometimes, we are blessed to have each other. And with everything we have been through, I feel like we are invincible as long as we are together. I'm so blessed to have such an incredible husband who has loves me so unconditionally!

One of the things that we have learned in our marriage is how our great we feel after spending time with just him and me. So in honor of our big “5”, we have planned some un-interrupted time together and getting spoiled. I know dinner and a couple’s massage are on the docket.

Our adoption journey continues...(10 months later)

2009-12-03T09:14:00.001-08:00

Today marks 10 months since we started the adoption process with Adoption Connection. There are days when waiting is terrible, and there are days when you feel nothing but hope. Today is a mix of those days. We’ve been working with our outreach coordinator to revise our online adoption profile – update a few pictures, and move some text around. I don’t know why I asked, but I did – and she told me how many of our paper profiles have gone out to birth mothers. 6 have gone out in the last 10 months. Is that a lot? Is it average? I know the perfect birthmother is out there for us – so I shouldn’t worry about how many, or how often…but today I wonder.

It doesn’t help stressing over what we need to say. Will our birthmother look for an active outdoor lifestyle? Should we have put more camping/beach/lake photos? How do we convey in words our bond as a couple? Did we talk enough about relatives and close friends with young children? How will she know that her baby will have playmates and peers and will have fun? How will she know how much this baby will be loved and accepted by all four grandparents and 3 Aunts and Uncles?

Will our birth mom be 100% sure at first glance – or will she pass around the profile - half bragging over her choice but half scared she missed something and picked the wrong one. Will she know how much we will come to love her? Will she just know that we are the right parents for her baby? Will the first time we meet be awkward or will it be like I have known her all my life?

I guess it would be best to take our agency’s advice – “Don’t sweat the waiting period – enjoy it, because only God can make it happen.”

In my own way, I know, it isn’t until you give up that God starts making things happen – but all of it is in His time.

If you are finding this blog and you are going to try adoption, you must have a ton of faith and hope!

Thank goodness! They liked it!

2009-12-02T13:52:00.001-08:00

The cake was a hit – she enjoyed her birthday, and the celebration. The Cake Doctor rules! J

The beginning of Advent...(4 masses later)

2009-12-01T15:42:00.000-08:00

Advent this year kicked off with a bang for me. As a commitment I made to Father to support a new process put in place, I attend nearly all the masses at our parish this weekend (4 out of 5 masses). As a result, I got to hear the readings several times, as well as hear the different homilies the 2 priests from our parish gave. I have had time to reflect on Advent…and really ask myself how I view advent. Am I preparing a way for the Lord? Am I giving myself a chance to see the presence of the Lord? Am I open to receiving the grace God is offering me this advent? I don’t want to be like the people in Jerusalem who did not recognize Jesus (Luke 19:41-42)! For me, in my little world, Advent is a time when God will visit me if I allow him. It’s never too late.

I look forward to spending time with a loved one; I want to look forward with anticipation to spending time with God in prayer each day. I don’t want to just “going through the motions,” I want to celebrate with my heart. I picked up the book “Five Minutes with the Word” to help me focus – and this simple book is wonderful! It’s reminding me to make sure that this Christmas season is focused on the gift that God has given us in Jesus. I realize after Father Glenn’s homily that the Father is always willing to give, but it is up to each of us to unwrap the Father’s gift of Jesus to us and recognize that ANYTHING can happen.

I know so many friends and even some family who do not like Christmas because their wishes for happiness are never fulfilled. It is a time of year when family members are lonely or depressed and they try to fill up that loneliness with things. I hope and pray for each of them to have the opportunity to see Christ in others and in themselves and receive the grace God is offering.

Spending so much time in prayer this weekend allowed me extra time to think about Dan, I, our precious doxie Vinny, and our own life. When I had time to reflect on our life, I realized that Dan and I haven’t truly had the opportunity to create our own traditions yet, be it surrounding Advent, or any other holiday. The first 5 years of our marriage have really been about fulfilling our parent’s family traditions. I understand that traditions can be wonderful "anchors" in a life of flux and uncertainty. The best traditions remind us of our place and purpose in this world and they serve their purpose. Right now, we are childless – so our lives are focused on participating in existing family traditions.

When we become parents, or maybe even before then, Dan and I can establish our own traditions, and maybe see it carried on for generations to come. Maybe we will have a new advent tradition for just us soon!

New Recipe Angst...

2009-12-01T08:34:00.000-08:00

A older gentlemen at church asked me to bake a cake for his friend's birthday - and of course I said ok! Here's where the angst comes in...I don't know if it was silly of me to use a new recipie for something I am taking to a group gathering, but I made a modified cake last night using the following recipie.

A friend at work recommended this recipie from the Cake Doctor cookbook, so I made it with her modifications...and now (the morning after making the cake) I'm a little worried that the cream cheese frosting isn't sweet enough. I need to have faith and hope his friend will like the cake - cause I have no time to change it!

I'll let you know how it was recieved by his friend tomorrow. In case you were wondering about the recipie - I have inlcuded her modified cake and frosting recipe below.

Cake
1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, coarsely chopped
1/3 cup water
1 package (18.25 ounces) plain devil's food cake mix
1 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon pure almond extract (I subsituted vanilla)

Chocolate Cream Cheese Frosting
1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, at room temperature
8 tablespoons (1 stick) butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon pure almond extract (I subsituted vanilla)
4 cups confectioners' sugar, sifted

Still Waiting...

2009-11-24T04:44:00.000-08:00

This past week, I was out of town on business in Napa. Several of my co-workers know that Dan and I are waiting to adopt and asked about the process. I think I must have said the phrase "still waiting" about 100 times. So when I was on my way home and saw my neighbors putting up Christmas light, I first thought, "LET THANKSGIVING HAPPEN FIRST", then "how quickly time passes." Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner.

For those families with children, I'm sure holidays evoke images of laughter, fun-filled family get together's and memories being made. For those families still waiting, the holidays can be bittersweet.

Waiting to adopt often has tensions beyond a pregnancy: Putting control of your family's desires into the hands of strangers. Not knowing (at least within a few weeks, as with pregnancy) when this huge life-change is going to happen, or if it will succeed at all. On top of all the normal apprehensions of becoming a parent to a new child, dealing with others' adoption-related questions ("Are you sure you'll be able to love a child that's 'not your own'?") can add more insecurity to our wait.

So when I got home from my trip - I decided! I am not going to let this holiday season go by without joy! I am committed to pave the way to a more pleasant holiday season. To accomplish that, I promise to:

1. Take care of each other and talk! I plan to try and recognize difficult emotions (anger, sadness, jealously) are okay to have, particularly in going through the adoption experience and come to terms with these emotions or find productive ways to vent. I won't feel compelled to "put on a happy face" just to make everyone else happy through the holidays.

2. Dan and I will decide together how best to deal with family holiday traditions and obligations.

3. I fully plan to spend a day or two together (take my phone off of the hook) and then let your imagination run wild....rent videos, make native dishes, just HAVE FUN!

4. Maybe we will make plans to do something that would bring smiles to faces of others. I suspect if we choose to do this our problems would seem minor compared to those of others and your smiles would probably outshine the brightest star!

5. I plan to include a gentle reminder to your friends and families that you are very much wishing to become a family through adoption in our Christmas newsletter. We plan to ask if our friends and family know of anyone who might be able to help you achieve your dream to call you or your adoption agency.

These are the things I plan to celebrate our adoption experience through the holiday season. I hope with a little foresight, it will be a great Thanksgiving and Christmas!

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27:13-14)

"The Letter" I wish I wrote!

2009-11-16T09:01:00.000-08:00

I heard about this letter from a friend at work, and I totally agree with Janet from Arizona...

Glenn Beck - Current Events & Politics - Glenn Beck: The Letter

"The fact is I no longer feel any political party or representative in Washington represents my views or works to pursue the issues important to me. Instead, we are burdened with Congressional Dukes and Duchesses who think they know better than the citizens they are supposed to represent. "

I totally feel that our governement has gotten out of control! No longer are they rashionally listen and governing based on the tenents of our consitution. I get frustrated when things like the stimulus bill and CZARs and universal health care continue to be shoved down our throats.

"We want our voice back. You have forced us to put our lives on hold to straighten out the mess that you are making. We will have to give up our vacations, our time spent with our children, any relaxation time we may have had and money we cannot afford to spend on bringing our concerns to Washington ."

I want my voice back! I have written several letters to my elected officials, all with the typical "form" response about why they were going to do whatever they felt was right...regardless of my perspective.

Guess I'm just fed up with our government ignoring the constitution.

One frustrated American.

Discernment...

2009-11-14T22:04:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the discernment for our Engaged Encounter ministry. We are praying that we will be open to the holy spirit, but am hoping he doesn't need our leadership in this ministry at this time! I We are both so over welmed in other parts of our life, I don't want to take on one more responsibility.

We'll be praying for guidance as we go through the process tomorrow...

Relaxing...

2009-11-14T22:00:00.000-08:00

Doesn't it feel good to relax?

Still sick....

2009-11-07T12:34:00.000-08:00

So I am still sick...the whole head congestion, coughing in the middle of the night kind of sick. Dan is talking good care of me, but it still sucks to be sick! Want to feel better!

Do not be anxious...

2009-11-07T12:27:00.000-08:00

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

We received this in a Thanksgiving greetings email. And how true it is, it makes you stop and think for a minute. Continuing on:

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

Basically, it says don't worry, but have faith. Ask for what you need, and give thanks for what you have been given. By doing this, your heart and mind will experience peace.

In other words "don't worry, be happy". By giving thanks, and doing so, you will achieve peace as you wait for important changes in your life.

It's hard to remember to do this sometimes. But it is important to step back and think about it sometimes. Anxiousness won't get us anywhere, we're still going to have to wait as long as we have to wait. But by praying and relaxing, staying at peace we'll have a better time waiting.

Rules for fighting fair...

2009-11-04T21:05:00.001-08:00

Recently, Dan and I took a phone call from a couple in the middle of a huge fight. We did not get in the middle, but will give the couple the following rules for fighting fair next time I see them!

When you start really getting into it, both of you should have these near you to remind yourself of how to fight FAIR!

DO:

1. Deal with the Here and Now. What is the specific problem right now? Anything older than 24 hours is garbage, so no garbage-dumping!

2. Take responsibility. Use “I” statements as a way to show you are taking responsibility for your own feelings and actions.

3. Be direct and honest about your feelings and what you want.

4. Listen and hear! Try to deal with the other person’s perceptions of the situation as well as your own. Be aware of his/her feelings as well as your own. Check to see whether what you heard is really what the other person is trying to express, and ask him to let you know what she hears you saying.

5. Give the other person equal time. Both people need to express their feelings and points of view to create a full mutual understanding.

6. Attack the issue, not the person. Name-calling puts people in a position to respond angrily and defensively. This is usually used when a person feels he is losing. Name-calling breaks down communication and destroys trust in the relationship.

7. Take a breather by paraphrasing what you think you heard them saying. “I understand you want to tell me about your day but I need a few minutes to finish what I am doing.” This gives you time to think about your response.

8. Focus on solving a problem/reaching a solution rather than venting your anger or winning a victory. Think win-win.

9. Deal with one issue at a time. No fair piling several complaints into one session. Some people call this “kitchen-sinking” – talking about everything including the kitchen sink!

10. Go forth as equals. Don’t use power plays. Gauge the intensity of your anger to the ego strengths of the other person and be responsible with the things your mate has entrusted to you in your relationship. YOU ARE ON THE SAME TEAM.

11. Speak softly. If you and your partner have a natural tendency to raise your voice, try whispering.

12. NO THIRD PARTIES! The only opinions which are relevant are those of the two attempting to communicate at the time.

13. Don’t interrupt, talk over or make comments while the other person is speaking. Watch your non-verbal expressions too. Rolling eyes, smirking, yawning etc. all work against fair fighting.

14. Don’t swear, assassinate character, contempt, sarcasm, or taunt.

15. Don’t be afraid to apologize when you are wrong. It shows you are trying.

Quick Update!

2009-11-04T20:56:00.000-08:00

Got the results from the MRI - just a large cyst! Whew! Going to a specialist for further testing, but am totally not worried about it now!

A month of travel!

2009-10-24T07:22:00.000-07:00

This past month has been SO busy. I found myself traveling for Allstate each week, and that just complicates everything. My blog was one place that suffered! Sorry!

A Vinny update...
He's doing great after his surgery and he now is released from vet care. We are to keep him from doing stairs as much as possible, and prevent him from jumping up and down from great heights. One unexpected issue, is we pretty much have a puppy on our hands again. He will require quite a bit of training to get him back where he was...Dan and I have been working together on his extra energy.

An Adoption update...
Next Sunday, we are taking our last required class towards our adoption. We may take more, depending on the topic, but this is the final requirement for our agency. We've had one more call on the "bat phone" but it was a TELEMARKETER! Ohh, that made me mad! We may add our 800 number to the do not call registry. We have been waiting less than a year, but are very much looking forward to the day when the good Lord will bring our family together.

A Dan job update....
Dan's been working for Folsom City College for 3 short months and likes his work. He loves working with the students even though he's having to organize and catalog everything they have. The work is Part-Time, and we are trying to re-work our budget to allow him to stay part time when Junior comes along. That means I need to perform at the highest level at my job to get me the best opportunity to replace as much of the income as possible.

A ME update...
Although I have been traveling, and exhausted from work...keeping up with everything has been tough. I haven't had the opportunity to catch up with friends and family as I would have liked. I am slowly working back into a groove, which is why I did laundry all night last night to catch up!
I am dealing with uncertainty medically...when I was in the ER two months ago, the CAT scan turned up a abnormal mass on my left kidney. Last week it was a ultrasound, and this Wednesday is a MRI. I don't have time to be sick right now, so I am hoping to get the clear after this Wednesday's appointment. Its likely a cyst, but uncertainty sucks!

A nice evening!

2009-09-15T15:08:00.000-07:00

Last night, Dan and I were baking fools! We had somehow collected a bunch of over-ripe bananas from our weekend trip to Tahoe, and we didn’t want them to go to waste. So as a team, we made 3 loaves of banana bread with chocolate chips because we didn’t have raisins! It was fun working together as well as having all of these baked goodies to freeze for later.

This got us to chatting about which desserts I will be bringing on Saturday. My sister-in-law, Michelle and her husband Adam are coming up to Roseville this weekend for a special dinner. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before but Michelle is an adult adoptee who has successfully searched and found her biological family. Her biological mom (unfortunately she died in 1980) had another daughter, and her biological dad has 2 daughters (her half sisters). So last year the number of siblings, nephews, and nieces changed. The day she met her biological dad, Steve, she also met his 2 daughters & her 1/2 sisters. I don’t know if she ever allowed herself to think beyond my biological mom and dad opening the door, so I don’t know if she ever allowed herself to think if she’d be accepted by her 1/2 siblings (which I think of as her whole, not half sisters). I think of the moment when she met her biological dad, step-mom, and their daughters – her family by blood…it must have been so surreal. I had only ever heard Michelle talk about finding her biological parents – two people. I never imagined all the biological family members that she would also get to meet one day.

This weekend, her sister Beth is visiting CA solo (without her 2 kids & husband) and Michelle is going to show her as much of the beauty of Northern CA as possible. We’re headed over for dinner on Saturday night to meet her for the first time. I’m excited, but I think everyone else is a little nervous…hope it goes well!

Welz Adoption update:

Every two months we go back and ask our adoption agency if any of our profiles have been sent to a birthmother or birthparents. Bummer - nothing has gone out for the last 2 months (July/Aug). Instead of being bummed about it, we just moved forward and accepted it’s not the right timing yet!